SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Three little ducks go into a Bar..............................
"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.
"Huey," was the reply.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi,
and what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"
"No," she said, batting her eyelashes.
"My name is Puddles."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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Rodin sculpted "The Thinker", I'm thnking. 
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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I don't think Descartes was his last name.
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Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.
"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.
"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.
"I want a root beer float," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy.
"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy, "but why have you only ordered beer all evening?"
You're gonna LOVE me for this....
The third piggy says -
"Well, somebody has to go ''Wee,wee, wee, all the way home!"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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His name was Auguste Rodin. A sculptor in the late 1800s.
Rene Descartes was a cartographer.
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Map making isn't mention in any of the bios I've seen.
Ren? Descartes
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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Quote:
SwampFox said:
Map making isn't mention in any of the bios I've seen.
Ren? Descartes
Made you look, did I? Score one for you. 
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Three Indian squaws were due on the same day. The wise old medicine man put the first squaw on a deer hide, the second one on a bear hide, and the third one on a hippopotomus hide (don?t ask).
The first one had a boy, the second one had a boy, and the third one had twin boys.
The moral of the story? The squaw of the hippopotomus is equal to the sons of the other two hides.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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If you spin a China-man in circles, does he become dis-oriented?
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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I still think we need that old "Groaner" thread.!!! 
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
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If Rene Descartes (17th Century philosopher, the "I think, therefore I am" guy) also made maps - then I guess that's where the term cart-ographer comes from, huh?
You guys oughta stick to the more profound philosophical sayings, such as:
Confucius say, "Woman who fly plane upside down soon have crack-up".
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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Ozark,
Swamp Fox debunked my myth about the cartographer part. Look up a few posts.
Mel 
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. This is done by the chip monks.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Test
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Mushroom walks into a bar.
Bartender says "we don't serve your kind around here." Mushroom says "why not. I'm a fungi."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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IIFID
Bond....Timmy Bond
Reged: 12/15/05
Posts: 8066
Loc: Nipawin, Saskatchewan
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Man who go through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
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Thought for the day; “It’s impossible to think outside of the box when all you do is think about getting inside of the box.”
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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IIFID
Bond....Timmy Bond
Reged: 12/15/05
Posts: 8066
Loc: Nipawin, Saskatchewan
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A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup.
So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"
The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free Lunch.?"
But the blonde keeps on screaming, "NO! I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"
Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you have to be mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a
prize."
The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!"
And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
"W I N A B A G E L"
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Thought for the day; “It’s impossible to think outside of the box when all you do is think about getting inside of the box.”
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.
That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate.
The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair and Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result...
The judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't looking.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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I went to the US Patent Office yesterday trying to register some of my inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.
I said, "A folding bottle." She said, "Okay, what do you call it?" "
A Fottle", I replied.
"What else do you have?" " A folding carton." " And what do you call it?"
A Farton." I replied.
She snickered and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude."
I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without telling her about my folding bucket.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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The friars found themselves behind in belfry payments so they decided to raise funds. Since many of them were quite good gardeners, they began raising flowers and selling them in a little shop they opened. Since the locals liked buying flowers from men of God, the business prospered.
It prospered too well for the liking of the florist in town. He begged them to shut down because his business was being ruined. The friars refused. Repeated requests were ignored.
Finally, in desperation, the florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, a known vicious thug to do something.
The friars were terrified at hearing that Hugh MacTaggart had been hired because he was known to be a godless man who would stop at nothing.
The friars immediately shut down their florist business.
The moral is - Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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Talk about scraping the bottom of the barrel. 
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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I'll keep my eyes open for a worse one. 
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves.
"What are you doing in there?" she asked.
The rabbit replied: "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?".
The lady replied "Yes."
"Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
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Quote:
SwampFox said:
"Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."
Good golly, I remember that awful joke from one of the first TV shows I ever watched. Milton Berle, 1952.
And I've been trying to forget it for 54 years.
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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Dang, Ozark!!! You gots to be as old as me. Bwaaaahahahahahahahahahaa!!!!!
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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