SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful bloodcurdling screams. Don't worry about that", says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings." The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation.
Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams. "Oh my God", says the old lady, "now what is happening?"
"Not to worry", says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."
"I can't do this", says the old lady, "I'm going to hell."
"You can't go there", says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and sodomized."
"Maybe so", says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes drilled for that!"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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An atheist was walking through the woods. He said to himself: "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!"
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charging towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.
He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!!!"
Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
"You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps You could make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very well," said the voice.
The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed.
And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke: "Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen".
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church ladies' group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp. But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured.
She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake."
This cake was so important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of new friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom -- a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect!
Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30, and to buy that cake and bring it home.
When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the attractive perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her mom.
Alice was horrified. She was beside herself. Everyone would know, what would they think? Oh my, she wailed! She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed. All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.
The next day, Alice promised herself that she would try not to think about the cake and she would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend of a friend and try to have a good time. Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP'd she could not think of a believable excuse to stay home.
The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South and to Alice's horror, the CAKE in question was presented for dessert. Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake, she started, out of her chair to rush to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!"
Alice, who was still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, "Thank you, I baked it myself."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either of them died, the one remaining would try to contact the partner in the world beyond exactly 30 days after their death.
Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later.
At the s?ance, she called out, "John, John, this is Martha. Do you hear me?"A ghostly voice answered her, "Yes Martha, this is John. I can hear you."
Martha tearfully asked, "Oh John, what is it like where you are?"
"It's beautiful. There are azure skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time."
"What do you do all day?" asked Martha.
"Well, Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and there's nothing but making love until noon. After lunch, we nap until two and then make love again until about five. After dinner, we go at it again until we fall asleep about 11 p.m."
Martha was somewhat taken aback. "Is that what heaven really is like?"
"Heaven? I'm not in heaven, Martha."
"Well, then, where are you?"
"I'm a rabbit in Arizona."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Giuseppe comes into Joe's barber shop and after he is settled in the chair tells Joe that he and his wife are making a trip to Italy where they will stay in Rome and will even see the Pope himself.
Joe is busy snipping hair and asks: " "What airline are you using?" Giuseppe replies: " Alitalia".
Joe, still snipping hair, says: " Oh, that's a terrible airline! Rude service and lousy food".
Joe, still snipping hair, asks: " What hotel are you staying at?"
Giuseppe replies: " "The downtown International Marriot".
Joe, still snipping hair, says: " Oh, that's a lousy place. Very small rooms and lousy meals."
Joe, still snipping hair, also says:" "You don't have a prayer of getting within a half mile of the Pope. He will look like an ant from where you will be".
Giuseppe goes off on his trip. Some weeks later he is back in Joe's Barber Shop. Of course he is asked by Joe about the trip.
Giuseppe says: " Alitalia treated us like royalty. They bumped us up to First Class and we were wined and dined. When we got to the Marriot, they apologized for overbooking and gave us the Presidential suite for our entire stay in Rome".
Joe, snipping hair, asks: " Yeah, but what about the Pope? I was right, wasn't I?"
Giuseppe says: " Actually, as we were touring the Vatican Museum, one of the Swiss Guards tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope occasionally likes to meet with American tourists face to face in private audience and that he wanted to meet with me and my wife. I was really impressed to meet him".
Joe, still snipping hair,(and now, very impressed) asks:" What did he say to you?"
Giuseppe replies: " He asked me " "Where did you get that lousy haircut?"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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The Pope was probably a duck hunter in disguise. 
Good one!!!!!
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
Alas, the Bishop was buried the next day.
MORAL OF THE STORY?? Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life.
So, be yourself and enjoy life ... stop worrying about everyone else's ass
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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I guess the moral of this is that the Bishop permanently lost his ass.
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replied, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of bath."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned," then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk replied, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.
He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told,"First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the South African hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the African devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does
not work, if it does work there is no electricity, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Government employee, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to sleep. "
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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How Moses Got The 10 Commandments
God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.
The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"
And the Lord said, "They are rules for living."
"Can you give us an example?"
"Thou shall not kill."
"Not kill? We're not interested.
So He went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honor thy Father and Mother."
"Father? We don't know who our fathers are."
Then He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have commandments."
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said "Thou shall not steal."
"Not steal? We're not interested."
Then He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."
The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shall not commit adultery."
"Not commit adultery? We're not interested."
Finally, He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."
"Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?"
"They're free."
"We'll take 10."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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IIFID
Bond....Timmy Bond
Reged: 12/15/05
Posts: 8066
Loc: Nipawin, Saskatchewan
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OLD JOKE...BUT STILL FUNNY!
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Thought for the day; “It’s impossible to think outside of the box when all you do is think about getting inside of the box.”
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way.
The man, who was a priest, said, " I am a Father."
The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many."
The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way."
The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a Priest and asks for his opinion on this question.
After consulting the bible, the Priest says, " My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays."
The man thinks: " What does a priest know about sex?" So he goes to a Minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter.
He queries the Minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath! Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate Authority: a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge.
In other words, he goes to a Rabbi.
The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, " My son, sex is definitely play." The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?"
The Rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it. "
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Bill Gates dies, and God meets him at The Pearly Gates.
God says "Quite honestly, I don't know what to do with you. You did make personal computers viable and there is one in almost every home, but you also came up with that horrible Windows "ME". I'll tell you what--I'll let you decide whether you want to go to heaven or hell."
Bill asks if he can at least see both places before he decides, and God agrees. Heaven was pretty much what he expected...very peaceful, big fluffy clouds, angels with harps and bands of cherubs singing everywhere. Bill says "This is very nice, but lets see the other place." So God takes Bill to Hell. He sees a beautiful white sand beach, with bright blue water as far as the eye can see. Beautiful women in string bikinis and handsome, muscular men playing beach volleyball.....a bar on the beach serving delicious looking tropical drinks. Bill says "God, please don't be offended, but I think I like Hell better. I think I'd be very happy here." So God leaves him.
Three months later, God comes across Bill Gates in a flaming inferno, chained to a wall, with the flames flicking at his toes. He cries out "God! Why have you forsaken me here? What happened to the crystal blue water? The white sand beach?? The beautiful people and the heavenly tropical refreshments???"
God smiles and says "That was just the screen saver."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter.
He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be."
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asks.
"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.
St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says......
"No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."
If you laugh, you are going straight to hell! 
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A woman starts dating a married doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.
The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor.
"It's worth a try," he says. So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this."
"What?" says the priest. "What happened?"
"You gave birth to a child."
"But that's impossible!"
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes that he must tell his son the truth. One day he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."
The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"
The priest replies, "I'm your mother. Your father is the archbishop."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk answers, "Yes, I am."
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."
The preacher shocked at the answer; dunks him into the water again for a little longer this time. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"
The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."
By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again--- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."
Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow."
The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asked St. Peter.
"How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder," replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd.... "
"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind.....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?
"Sure," Forrest replied, "its Andy."
"An! dy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.
"Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"
"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it from the song, "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN. . . "
St.! Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: "Run Forrest, run."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her: "Can we have sex?"
"No," she replies, "I'm married to God." She stands up, and gets off at the next stop.
The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says: "I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!"
"Yeah?" says the hippie.
"Yeah!" say the bus driver."She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray. So all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God."
The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night. "I am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face. "Have sex with me.
"The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her.
As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish."Ha-ha," he cries. "I am the hippie!"
"Ha-ha," cries the nun. "I am the BUS DRIVER!!"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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Subject: Pastor's ass
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in another race, and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.
The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
Alas.. the Bishop was buried the next day.
MORAL OF THE STORY?? Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery, and even shorten your life. So, be yourself and enjoy life .. STOP WORRYING ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE'S ASS, and you'll live longer and be a lot happier!
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last
instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop
of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while the
two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits,
and paint naked.
In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.
"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two nuns look at each other and shrug both deciding that no harm can
come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
"Nice boobs," says the man, "where do you want the blinds?"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash
over the Pacific Ocean. They all died and went to heaven together.
"Oh, this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter, "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen. Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready.
We can't take you in and we can't send you back...."
Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "Lucifer, this is Pete.
Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for 'em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll only be a couple of days. What do 'ya say?"
Reluctantly, the Devil agreed. However, two days later, St. Peter got a call.
"Pete, Lu. Hey, you gotta come get these three clowns. This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody, the Graham guy is saving everybody, and that Oral Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning."
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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Two Irish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously: "What part did you get?
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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