SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Joe and Peter are downing a beer at the bar, exchanging small talk.
Joe says:"I hate my job... Delivering pizza, it's absolutely horrible: the whole day I can see them, I can smell them, hot and juicy, I can even touch them... But I can't eat them!"
Peter sighs deeply, and says:"You're damn right... It's an absolute nightmare, I don't know how many times I've thought about quitting myself."
"You're in the pizza delivery business too?"
"No, I'm a gynecologist..."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Did you hear who stopped smoking this morning?
Chris Dorner...
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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wuchang
spiritual advisor and gatekeeper to the Spirit World
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5208
Loc: uphill
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DAMN........ 
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A woman is standing at the edge of a cliff... trying to get the nerve to jump off.
A passing tramp stops and says, "Since you're about to kill yourself, if you don't mind, could we have sex please?"
The woman says, "No, fork off."
The tramp turns to leave and replies, "Fine, I'll just go and wait at the bottom !"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A man walked into a crowded local bar, waved his 6-shot revolver around, and yelled, "Who in here has been screwing my wife?"
A voice from the back of the bar yelled out, "You're gonna need more ammo!"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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(Video) Drink coffee
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.
His doctor says, "Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things for what we call a “Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit”… a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."
Mario asks, "So, what do I do with these things, doc?
The doctor replies, "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue.
If she says, 'That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen!', ...you hit her with the shovel.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Idi Amin was arrested in Guyana where it was discovered that he had just killed 900 people. When police asked him what he was doing in the country he said... "I was just trying to keep up with the Jones...."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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GUN CONTROL
It has already started at Cabela's Sporting Goods when I shopped there yesterday.
When I was ready to pay for my purchases of some 7.65 mm bullets, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."
Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amuck, I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card-reader.
I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions a little clearer.
I still don't think I looked that bad.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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wuchang
spiritual advisor and gatekeeper to the Spirit World
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5208
Loc: uphill
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Dude.....that's wrong on so many levels 
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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I was waiting for someone to say,"I knew that."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A man and a woman are seated next to each other on a flight. They start eyeing each other and both realize they want to do the same thing. He slips a condom out of his pocket and she looks delighted.
Rear toilet? He suggests. Five minutes, she agrees and goes off. He waits five minutes, then goes and slips in there with her. Right get that condom on, she says. Soon, they are both sighing with pleasure.
But a sharp eyed stewardess has noticed them, and realized what they are up to. So she humiliates them by making an announcement over the PA system.
"To the lady and gentleman in the rear toilet, we know what you are doing, and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations. Now please put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
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AUSTRALIAN HELP LINE
Operator: "G'day mate. Helpline here. What's the problem?"
Caller: "I'm in the Outback with the girlfriend and she's been stung on her thigh by a hornet and now her vagina has completely closed up."
Operator: "Bummer!"
Caller: "Great advice! Thanks mate - 'bye."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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cook
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 1750
Loc: in my underwear
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Quote:
SwampFox said:
Reminds me of the 2 hobos along the tracks,waiting on the next train.
Hobo 1 was bragging about the great sex he had last night,banging her front and rear for hours.When asked if he got a BJ also,he said no...he couldn't find her head.
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Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
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Mahatma Gandhi, of course, was very spiritual and he gave up most physical possessions and generally went around barefoot. This caused his feet to become heavily callused.
He didn't eat much so he was quite thin and fragile - and what food he did eat often consisted of oddly-spiced native dishes, so he always had bad breath.
All this of course made him a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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wuchang
spiritual advisor and gatekeeper to the Spirit World
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5208
Loc: uphill
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Quote:
Ozark said:
Mahatma Gandhi, of course, was very spiritual and he gave up most physical possessions and generally went around barefoot. This caused his feet to become heavily callused.
He didn't eat much so he was quite thin and fragile - and what food he did eat often consisted of oddly-spiced native dishes, so he always had bad breath.
All this of course made him a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
   
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Bad breath is no laughing matter.... 
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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duko™
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 3442
Loc: east mo
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Quote:
Ozark said:
Mahatma Gandhi, of course, was very spiritual and he gave up most physical possessions and generally went around barefoot. This caused his feet to become heavily callused.
He didn't eat much so he was quite thin and fragile - and what food he did eat often consisted of oddly-spiced native dishes, so he always had bad breath.
All this of course made him a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
I'm not sure why something so stupid is so damn funny!
whoever thought of that is probably on medication... 
duko
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