SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
NEW DISNEY FILM CANCELLED
Walt Disney's new film called "Jet Black" (the non-racist version of "Snow White") has been put on hold.
All of the 7 dwarfs : Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Car Jack, Drive By, Pimp and MoFo, have refused to sing "Hi Hoe".
They also say there is no way in hell "It's off to work we go"!
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
|
|
Insensitive AND politically incorrect:
An elementary school in Utah was planning a musical evening for parents, with each class contributing. The "special ed" class teacher had a big problem, though, as her mentally handicapped students could neither play musical instruments nor sing.
However, the teacher found that they COULD create a rhythm by tapping on objects - in spite of their mental disabilities, they could keep time. Thinking of harmless objects with which these students would not hurt themselves, the teacher gave each pupil an apple and a tiny little, short, stick. Her special-needs class was then able to create quite pleasant sounds by tapping those together in unison.
So the Moron Tap-an-Apple Choir was born.
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Quote:
Ozark said:
Insensitive AND politically incorrect:
An elementary school in Utah was planning a musical evening for parents, with each class contributing. The "special ed" class teacher had a big problem, though, as her mentally handicapped students could neither play musical instruments nor sing.
However, the teacher found that they COULD create a rhythm by tapping on objects - in spite of their mental disabilities, they could keep time. Thinking of harmless objects with which these students would not hurt themselves, the teacher gave each pupil an apple and a tiny little, short, stick. Her special-needs class was then able to create quite pleasant sounds by tapping those together in unison.
So the Moron Tap-an-Apple Choir was born.
 This belongs in Mel's joke section.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
foots
the exterminator
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5241
Loc: by my spiritual advisor, Wu
|
|
Quote:
SwampFox said:
Quote:
Ozark said:
Insensitive AND politically incorrect:
An elementary school in Utah was planning a musical evening for parents, with each class contributing. The "special ed" class teacher had a big problem, though, as her mentally handicapped students could neither play musical instruments nor sing.
However, the teacher found that they COULD create a rhythm by tapping on objects - in spite of their mental disabilities, they could keep time. Thinking of harmless objects with which these students would not hurt themselves, the teacher gave each pupil an apple and a tiny little, short, stick. Her special-needs class was then able to create quite pleasant sounds by tapping those together in unison.
So the Moron Tap-an-Apple Choir was born.
This belongs in Mel's joke section.
No it don't.........that was actually funny. 
--------------------
I was born kicking, screaming, and covered in someone elses blood. I have no problem goin out the same way.
|
Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
|
|
Morris is on his deathbed, knows the end is near, and is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons. "So", he says to them:
"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."
"Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says, "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated all this property".
Sarah replies, "Property? ... the schmuck has a paper route!"
|
wuchang
spiritual advisor and gatekeeper to the Spirit World
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5206
Loc: uphill
|
|
damn----didn't see that one coming
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
That wsn't racist...
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
wuchang
spiritual advisor and gatekeeper to the Spirit World
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5206
Loc: uphill
|
|
but not as good as the girl named La-a
"cause the dash don't be silent"
|
Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
|
|
About that Quindarious Hairstyle.....
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Quote:
Ozark said:
About that Quindarious Hairstyle.....
Some day that will be a classic...
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
|
|
Quote:
SwampFox said:
Some day that will be a classic...
I've got a router bit shaped JUST like that - it's for routing drawer track grooves into the inside of cabinet uprights.
Now, if we could chuck ol' Quindarius into something really BIG and get him up to 7500 rpm..........
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
The teacher said, "I'll give $2 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct."
Then a French boy put his hand up and said, "It was Napoleon." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Pierre, that's not right either."
Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Maurice, come up here and I'll give you the $2."
As the teacher was giving Maurice his money, she said, "You know Maurice, you being Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."
Maurice replied, "Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business."
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
A Muslim wife complains to her husband that all the romance had gone out of their marriage.
"Remember when you used to carry me up to bed?" she asked.
Yeah," he replied, "But be fair, you were only eight years old at the time !
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
In Australia, the curbside garbage carts are called "wheelie bins."
A garbage collector is driving along a Sydney street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into his rubbish truck.
He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out. In the spirit of kindness and after having a quick look about for the bin, he gets out of his truck, goes to the front door and knocks. There's no answer. Being a conscientious bloke, he knocks again - much harder.
Eventually, a Japanese man comes to the door.
"Harro!" says the Japanese man.
"G'day mate, where's ya' bin?" asks the collector.
"I bin on toilet," explains the Japanese bloke, a bit perplexed.
Realizing the fellow had misunderstood him, the bin man smiles and tries again.
"No mate, where's ya' dust bin?"
"I dust been to toilet, I toll you!'' says the Japanese man, still perplexed.
"Listen," says the garbage collector. "You're misunderstanding me. I mean, where's ya' wheelie bin?'"
"OK, OK. " replies the Japanese man with a sheepish grin, and whispers in the collector's ear. "I wheelie bin having sex wiffa wife's sista!!!"
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
wuchang
spiritual advisor and gatekeeper to the Spirit World
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5206
Loc: uphill
|
|
wheelie bin
velly funny 
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
What's the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew? Santa goes down the chimney.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
Bubba
strangesly aroused
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 3828
Loc: Lemmingstan
|
|
Damn...
--------------------
God Bless our Troops!
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
This sat idle for a year and a half. It was time to post something.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
A Muslim walks into his local mosque with a big grin on his face.
"What are you so happy about, Abdul?" Asks the Imam.
"Well, I'll tell you," replies Abdul. "I live by the railroad tracks and on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the rails, like in the American movies. I cut her free and took her back to my humble abode. Allah be praised - we made love all night, all around the tent. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position permitted by Mohammed, Peace Be Upon Him!"
"By the most Merciful," exclaimed the Imam, "you have been blessed. Was she as beautiful as a desert flower?"
Abdul grimaced, "By the Jinn, I do not know - I never found her head."
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
wuchang
spiritual advisor and gatekeeper to the Spirit World
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5206
Loc: uphill
|
|
I wonder how many Homeland Security lists that joke now has us on???
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
It's no worse than 100 other jokes on here.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
wuchang
spiritual advisor and gatekeeper to the Spirit World
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5206
Loc: uphill
|
|
Quote:
SwampFox said:
It's no worse than 100 other jokes on here.
You definitely have a point there--fork'em if they can't take a joke
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
A customer asked, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?"
The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for some Whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in Ace Hardware.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
