Cafeoutdoors.com: Oh, No!

In the nightmare, I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and I discovered that I am a Negro.

And I'm circumcised!

Quickly I sat up, found my pants and searched my pockets to look at my driver's' license photo. Yup. That's me. And I'm Black.

I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair. But it's a wheelchair!! That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I'm also disabled!!!

I said to myself, aloud "This is impossible. It's impossible that I should be black and Jewish and disabled."

"Es the pure and holy truth", whispers someone from behind me. I turn around, and it's my boyfriend. Great!!! I'm also a homosexual, and on top of that with a MEXICAN boyfriend. Better still, the little biotch is horribly wall-eyed. Holy chit.... Black, Jewish, disabled, gay, wall-eyed Mexican boyfriend... Wait a minute, why is he giving me an injection into my I.V.? I'm on an I.V.?! Crap! I'm a drug addict, and HIV-positive!!!

Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair, and Oh, noooooo... I'm bald!!!

The telephone rings. It's my brother.

He is saying, 'Since mom and dad died the only thing you do is hang out, take drugs, and laze around all day doing nothing with your wall-eyed Mexican boyfriend. Get a job you worthless piece of crap... Any job.'

Mom?... Dad?... Nooooooooo... Now I'm also an orphan! And unemployed!

I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay (with a wall-eyed Mexican boyfriend,) are a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, and an orphan. But he doesn't get it.

Frustrated, I hang up.

It's then I realize I have only one hand!!! With tears in my eyes I go to the window to look out. I see I live in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses! There is trash everywhere.

Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker.... Pacemaker?!

Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican wall-eyed boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand, and having a bad heart, I live in a chitty neighborhood.

At that very moment my W.E.M. boyfriend approaches and says to me, "Mi chico, mi amore, mi leettle negro heart throb, have you decided what you are going to wear to Washington to see Obama?"

Oh HELL no!!! I can deal with being a black, disabled, one armed, drug addicted, Jewish homosexual on a pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum, and has an ugly-ass Mexican boyfriend, but... don't tell me I'm a Democrat!