On a more serious note.

Screw Guns
Rudyard Kipling

Smoking my pipe on the mountings,
Sniffing the morning cool,
I walks in my old brown gaiters,
Along 'o my own brown mule;
With seventy odd Gunners behind me,
An' never a beggar forgets
That it's only the pick of the Army;
That handles the dear little pets ....
_CHORUS_ _ _ _ _ _

For you all loves the Screw Guns,
The Screw Guns they all loves you
So when we calls round with a few guns
Of cause you will know what to do - hoo
Just send in your Chief and surrender
'Tis worse if you fights or you runs,
You may go where you please;
You can skid up the trees
But you don't get away from the guns.

They sends us along where the roads are,
But mostly we goes where they 'aint,
We'd climb up the side of a sign board
An' trust to the stick 'o the paint;
We've chivied the Naga and Looshai,
We've given the Afreedeeman fits,
For we fancies ourself at two thousand,
We guns that are built in two bits

_CHORUS_ _ _ _ _ _

For you all loves the Screw Guns etc ...

If a man won't work, why we drills 'im
An' teaches 'im 'ow to behave,
If a beggar can't march why we kills him
And rattles 'im into his grave;
You've got to stand up to our business,
An' spring without snatching or fuss,
D'you say that you sweat with the field guns
By God you must lather with us.

_CHORUS_ _ _ _ _ _

For you all loves the Screw Guns etc ...

The eagles is screamin' around us
The river's a moanin' below
We're clear of the pine an' the oak scrub
We're out on the rocks an' the snow
And the wind is as thin as a whiplash
That carries away to the plains
The rattle and stamp of the lead mules
The jinklety-jink 'o the chains

_CHORUS_ _ _ _ _ _

For you all loves the Screw Guns etc ...

Theres a wheel on the Horns 'o the Morning,
An' a wheel on the edge of the pit,
An' a drop into nothing beneath you,
As straight as a beggar can spit,
Wi' the sweat runnin' out 'o your shirt sleeves
An' the sun off the snow in your face
An' 'alf 'o the men on the drag ropes
To hold the old gun in 'er place

_CHORUS_ _ _ _ _ _

For you all loves the Screw Guns etc ...

Smoking my pipe on the mountings
Sniffing the morning cool
I climbs in mi' old brown gaiters
Along 'o my old brown mule
The monkey can say what our road was,
The wild goat 'e knows where we passed,
Stand Easy, you long eared old Darlin's
Out drag ropes, wi' shrapnel - Hold fast

For you all loves the Screw Guns
The Screw Guns they all love you
So when we takes tea with a few guns
Of cause you will know what to do - hoo
Just send in your Chief and surrender
'Tis worse if you fights or you runs,
You may hide in your caves
They'll be only your graves
For you CAN'T get away from the GUNS.