Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it
down. You don't hear us complaining about you
leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never
going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. "Yes" and "no" are perfectly acceptable answers
to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what
your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in
an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7
days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't
ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us
how you want it done. Not both. If you already know
best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have
to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and
neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color!
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve
is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1 If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", We
will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are
lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine...really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the
shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have
to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men
really don't mind that? It's like camping.