Son at the Pool

The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.

"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool."

"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!?"

Choosing Your Husband

If it's true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings.

The Younger Generations

Parents often talk about the younger generations as if they didn't have anything to do with it.

What is an Antique?

An antique is something your grandmother bought, your mother threw out, and you are now buying back.

Things Mom Would Never Say

1. "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"

2. "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too."

3. "Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery."

4. "Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week."

5. "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day."

6. "Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."

7. "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."

8. "I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve."

9. "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve."