Jdots story...

Lil Dusty Head

Last week I got off work on morning and had to get dog food. Now the only place around this dump to buy Pro Plan is about 35 miles ONE WAY!!!! So, I've been doing it for months and just don't think about it anymore.

By the time I get my chit loaded in my truck, leave work, and drive to this vet's office it's around 7:45 and they open up at 8. I sit there flippin' through a Delta Waterfowl mag till they unlock the door. Let me back up and say that I have a certain routine that I have been in for years concerning leaving work and getting home, i.e. leave work, ride home, run in door tearing at my belt and pants, and barely making it EVERY morning and then shitting my guts out!!!

So as I'm flippin through the mag my guts rumble. Now their supposed to know that we aint home and to hang on just a bit. But the deep guttural rumble that I hear and feel tells me they aint gonna cooperate!!!!

Well, it passes and I breath a sigh of relief. Vet opens, I step in, buy the food, and haul azz.

On the way out of town I see a store that has gas about a dime cheaper than where I'm from, so I decided to stop and fill up the killa Nissan. As I'm pumping, my guts decide to really let me know the coffee is percualting again. It hits, and I double up beside the truck, breaking a cold sweat. This chit aint gonna wait, it's here, right forking NOW!!!!

I get the nozzle slammed back in the pump and do that baby step, ass all knotted up, walk across the parking lot. I thought one time that I was gonna have grab my ass cheeks and squeeze. I had done got nauseated and broke a cold sweat at this point.

I bust up in this mofo, sweatin' marbles, and just KNOWING some jackass is gonna be piled up in the shitter. I had already planned on hitting the womens or shittin' by the chip rack. One of the two!!!!

Luck prevails and the mens is empty!!!!!!!!! Lock door, RIP down my pants, and all hell breaks loose. I looked like the dude on Dumb and Dumber that got fed the Turbo Lax!!!

Horrific is not even close to being able to describe the funk!!! Maybe a stumphole full of dead armadillo's would be closer!!! I mean, I had my shirt all balled up around my mouth and nose trying to breath through it , and my eyes were stlll watering. I had to give MYSELF 2 courtesy flushes to even sit there.

Well of course, some fork... goes to rattling the knob. Never fails!!!

I get done and eeeeeease out. I notice the big groid over at the drink cooler with this lil dusty head of about 5 yrs old wif him. As I'm heading to the counter to pay for my gas I see them heading toward this living cess pool I just eeeeeeased out of.

As I'm writing a check for the gas I hear this lil dusty head go to screaming at the top of his lungs!!!!! Lil mofo is going...

"Nnnooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I look up and the big groid has got him by the arm trying to drag him BACK up in the chitter and he's puttin' up one helluva fight. Big groid finally wins and he pulls lil man back to the door. Lil groid is screaming

" sssssssttttiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnkkkksssssssss!!!!!!!!!"

and has started to squall bad.

He gets him back in the bathroom for about 3 seconds, and the door bust open. Lil dusty head comes boiling out with the groid right on his ass.

This is were the lil dusty head stops mid stride and.........

forking VOMITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Big groid is weezing and cussin'!!!!!!!!!!

I was standing there at the counter with tears rolling down my cheeks. I paid and hauled ass home.

I needed a shower!!!!!!