| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 01:52 PM |
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Virus' are us.
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My daughter is making
hand sanitizer.
Thought I’d try it.
It tastes like 151 and coke.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 01:55 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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As we enter week 2 of the lock down I can't help but think of Osama Bin Laden.
Stuck in his house for 5 years with 3 wives.
I wonder if he called the Navy Seals himself?
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 01:58 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Doctor: Have you been drinking enough fluids?
Me: Doctor, Fluids are all I drink.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:00 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Whoever said one person can't change the world never ate under cooked bat.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:01 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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The telephone rings, and the wife answers.
A pervert with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight bald ass."
Woman replies, "Yes, he's watching TV - whom shall I say is calling?"
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:03 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Quarantine day 7: Today I melted an ice cube with my mind. It took a lot longer than I expected.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:05 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Of all the things I learned in grade school,
avoiding cooties was the last one I expected to use.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:07 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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I'm finally grounded for all the things I got away with as a teen.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:21 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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I would ask how your
weekend went but
the term has
becoming meaningless.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:24 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Covid 19 tip:
If you run out of food
look for a house with a
Vote Bernie sign.
They don't own guns.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:26 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Wife and I masked up and went to Sam's today.
When we got back home and took the masks off
it was not my wife.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:28 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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We are called essential because
ceiling us sacrificial
would be too honest.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:29 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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NUMBER TO REPORT NEIGHBORS GETTING FRESH AIR OR HUMAN CONNECTION
1(800) IMA-NAZI
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:31 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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The Rapture has taken place.
We were all left behind.
Toilet paper shelves are empty because, "The roll was called up yonder".
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:34 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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i have the most loving wife.
Last night I woke to find her
holding a pillow over my face
to protect me from the virus.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:36 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Hormel Foods made their first batch of spam in 1937.
As a result of all the food hoarding
they will make their second batch this week.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:37 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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I didn't buy a 2020 planner
this year so I've got that
going for me.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:43 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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As kids, the threat from quicksand and piranhas was exaggerated.
Who knew the threat from cooties was real?
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:45 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Do you th9nk this quarantine can bring me down?
I've been in the military.
I can hurry up and wait forever.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:49 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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King Felipe VI has been quarantined to his jet.
Now the reign of Spain stays mainly on the plane.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:50 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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I didn't know grandma
had a gun
until I coughed.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:51 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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The Power Ball is up to an 18 pack of Charmin.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:53 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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I wonder if all this is happening because
I didn't forward that letter to 10 other people?
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 02:55 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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A dolphin just told me,"So long and thanks for all the fish."
Does anyone know what that means?
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:03 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Suddenly having a mask, duct tape, rope
and plastic sheeting in your trunk is normal.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:08 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Tomorrow is National Home School Tornado Drill Day.
Your kids have to lock themselves in the basement
till you give the all clear.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:11 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Singles Ad: Man with TP looking for woman with sanitizer for good clean fun.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:17 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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After a couple of weeks of quarantine I saw a neighbor walking past the house.
I ran to the window and started yelling at them.
Now I know how my dog feels.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:18 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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People are so afraid right now
you could rob a bank with a booger.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:20 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Homeschooling update: My child just requested a different teacher for next year.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:21 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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My scale this morning:
Please social distance.
Only weigh one person
at a time.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:22 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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I will continue
social distancing from
some of you
after this is over.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:23 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Empty airports mean CNN lost 99% of their viewers.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:41 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Every country has the coronavirus but China
got it right off the bat.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:43 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Does anyone know if we can start taking showers again?
Or do we just keep washing our hands?
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:44 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Our internet connection is so slow
that we turned on the churches live feed
and saw John The Baptist.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:45 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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The first reported case of looting was by
Chuck and Nancy.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:46 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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In an isolationship.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:49 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Gas cheapest it's been in 30 years.
Can't drive.
Airline tickets dirt cheap.
Can't fly.
We are stuck in an Alanis Morisette song.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:49 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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I finished Netflix today.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:52 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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I told my wife I was thankful I had
someone I liked to be quarantined with.
She said,"Must be nice."
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:53 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Not a single zombie.
This apocalypses sucks.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:56 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Homeschooling question:
Does having your kids make cork
count as a chemistry lesson?
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:57 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages.
This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 03:58 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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If the food runs out we still have each other.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 04:01 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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If it all goes sideways remember that impalements at the gate make for more gracious guest.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 04:02 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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My house got TP'd last night.
Now it's worth $875.500.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 04:04 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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I wonder how many social drinkers are beginning to sense they have a problem?
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 04:07 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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There should be a decrease in home invasions.
Everyone has guns and enough bleach
and paper towels to clean up the evidence.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 04:21 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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PSA: DUI Checkpoint - Corner of Hallway & Kitchen.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 04:26 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Quarantine life: A strawberry has 246 seeds.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 04:27 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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I need to get out of bed
so I'm not late
to the living room.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 04:28 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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I hadn't planned on giving up this much for Lent.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 04:28 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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It has been 6 days since pants.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/06/20 04:31 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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God got so mad about all of our fighting down here
that He sent us all to our rooms.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/07/20 12:16 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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The rapid spread of bad covid-19 jokes is deeply worrisome.
Experts are concerned it will become a pundemic.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 04/07/20 02:19 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Day 7 of quarantine and preparing to take out the garbage.
I'm so excited, I can’t decide what to wear.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 05/02/20 05:31 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Quit posting math problems on the internet
like its a game or something.
If you need help with your kids homework
just say so.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 05/02/20 05:34 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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They are saying that
sunlight and alcohol
kill the corona virus.
If you see me naked
and passed out in the yard
it's research.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 05/02/20 05:36 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Being quarantined
from the grand kids is tough.
This morning I had to pull my own finger.
wuchang
|
| (spiritual advisor and gatekeeper to the Spirit World) |
| 05/02/20 05:38 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Quote:
SwampFox said:
Being quarantined
from the grand kids is tough.
This morning I had to pull my own finger.
Oh Lord........
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 05/02/20 09:07 PM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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Gardening season.
I planted my ass on the sofa
5 weeks ago and it's growing.
| SwampFox |
| (member) |
| 11/03/20 01:42 AM |
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Re: Virus' are us.
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I try to be mild mannered, but I lost it today. A real eruption. In a grocery aisle, I saw a healthy young man with a cart heaped with everything everyone wants. Paper goods. Bread. Milk. Hand sanitizer. Something snapped and I told him what I thought. Let him have it.
“Do you know how selfish you are?! Do you know how many elderly or sick or young families need these things?! Couldn’t you just take adequate for yourself?!”
He listened quietly.
When the steam was out of my valves, I stopped, righteously satisfied. “Okay,” he said. “May I go back to stocking shelves, now?”