SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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1.4 million people attended Obama's inaugration; only 14 missed work.  
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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During his vacation at Martha's Vineyard - President Obama had been slicing off the tee on every hole.
He asks his Scottish caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons for his poor tee shots, to which the caddy replies:
"Aye, there's a piece of shyt on the end of yer driver."
The President picks up his driver and cleans the club face, at which point the caddy says: "No, the other end."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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Can't fool those caddies.
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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fish
senior member - literally
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 2464
Loc: Kingdom of Callaway
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I'd say no tip for him an the IRS is auditing his tax returns bout now 
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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hucklburry
member
Reged: 12/15/05
Posts: 948
Loc: Daniel Boone's Neighborhood
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I was told a hot bumpersticker right now says
Don't renig in 2012
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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In church on Sunday, I overheard the little old lady in the pew next to me saying a short prayer. It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share it:
Dear Lord,
These past couple of years have been tough...
You have taken my favorite Actor Patrick Swayze, my favorite actress Elizabeth Taylor, my favorite Cowboy James Arness, my favorite athlete Bob Feller, my favorite singer Lena Horne and my favorite salesman Billy Mays.
I just wanted you to know that my favorite president is Barack Obama.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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The room was quiet, with a circle of chairs on the wooden floor, two or three already occupied. The men already seated looked disheveled and unkempt, one guy looking only at his feet, the other wearing a well worn beige anorak with his gloves on a string through the sleeves of his jacket, wearing sandals with odd colored socks.
I took my seat, put my groceries bag under the chair, and nodded self consciously to the guy with the clipboard. We sat in silence.
Five minutes passed and two more sorry looking men joined the group.
After another few moments, the guy with the clipboard cleared his throat, "Right! well this looks like everyone, we will make a start. Who would like to go first?"
Nervously, everyone looked at everyone else, but with no sign of anything happening....
Mustering all the courage I had left, I struggled to my feet, took a deep breath, and said, feeling the red slowly extending from my cheeks to my entire face.....
" Hello. My name is Mike. " I struggled to get the words out, but spoke clearly looking straight at the floor..........
"And I voted Obama....."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.
Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."
"Very good", said the teacher.
Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."
"Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
"Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny.
"Toothbrushes", echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."
They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!" Then I would say, "It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used the President Obama method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."
Little Johnny got five stars for his assignment. Bless his heart.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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The Secret Service scandal was discovered when a disagreement on how much a prostitute wanted for her services came to light.
She wanted $800.00. The Secret Service Agent offered $30.00.
How ironic is it that the only person in Washington willing to cut spending gets fired?
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Q: How do you tell a Romney supporter from an Obama supporter?
A: Romney Supporters sign their checks on the front; Obama Supporters sign them on the back.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Mitt Romney is predicting that as president, he will create 12 million jobs in his first term. Well, President Obama says a Romney presidency would result in lost jobs. Yeah, his and Biden's." --comedian Jay Leno
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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fish
senior member - literally
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 2464
Loc: Kingdom of Callaway
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Overheard when two guys were talking politics.....
One said his uncle was born, raised, lived all his life in Chicago and voted a straight Republican ticket until the day he died.
but now he votes democrat
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened .
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA,they decided to send it to President Obama.
Obama was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:
Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C. and that asshole Obama took $95.00 in taxes.
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=bQu2SVFF-cU
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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I saw upon an empty chair
a little man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today.
Oh how I wish he'd go away.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Biden impolres Obama, 'Rub one out before the debate.'
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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In church, while reverently preparing for the service, I heard a sweet little old lady, sitting next to me in the pew, quietly whispering a prayer.
It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share it with you.
She said, "Dear Lord, this has been a tough two or three years ...You have taken my favorite actor Patrick Swayze, my favorite musician Michael Jackson, my favorite salesman Billy Mays, my favorite actress Elizabeth Taylor, my favorite singer Whitney Houston, and, now, my favorite announcer Dick Clark. I just wanted you to know that my favorite politician is Barack Obama. Amen.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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