SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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Is that sign at a doughnut shop? 
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket.
The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Dingaling. I know -- a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time, so I stayed to myself, studied hard and got good grades.
When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor.
I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.
After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, with VD.
Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.
Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred.'
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 142."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies. Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the
old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you, Vinnie, Ciao
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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locked up
snake charmer!!
Reged: 01/24/08
Posts: 691
Loc: pit city mo
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A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.
Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the
right thing, stopping at the crosswalk -- even though he could have
beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The
tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in
frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection,
dropping her cell phone and makeup.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked
up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered
her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station
where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a
holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell
and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the
arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind
your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front
of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would
Jesus Do?' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the
Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated
Christian fish emblem on the trunk....
Naturally...I assumed you had stolen the car."
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Why do you ask?
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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One hot summer day, a redneck came to town with his dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into the bar for a cold one.
Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the bar and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?'
The redneck said it was his.
'Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said.
The redneck replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.'
The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs bred.'
'No way,' said the redneck. 'That dog don't need bread. She ain't hungry 'cause I fed her this mornin'.'
The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand; your dog wants to have sex!'
The redneck looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Bubba
strangesly aroused
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 3828
Loc: Lemmingstan
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God Bless our Troops!
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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In The News...
Officer Accused Of Threatening Starbucks Managers For Free Coffee and gets fired.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Video: Pitbull And His K9
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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All Cops Are Racist...
Exhibit #1
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Campus Cop Charged With Stealing Donuts
State police say an upstate New York college campus policeman was helping himself to free pastries at a local convenience store.
The Valero Nice N Easy offers free coffee to any police officer in uniform.
Sgt. Steve Brody of the Morrisville State College University Police stopped daily to buy a newspaper and pick up a free cup of coffee. He also routinely stuffed a pastry into his coat.
Brody is now accused of taking about $30 worth of pastries over at least 17 separate occasions.
Brody, 55, of Morrisville, was ticketed for petit larceny. Troopers say they have surveillance videos.
Brody and his defense attorney declined to comment. Brody remains an employee at Morrisville; school officials say the case is a personnel matter and refused further comment.
NBC New York News
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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67Firebird
Former political advocate
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 9178
Loc: Russellville, Mo
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I want one!
Either the second from the left or the third from the left. 
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BigBob
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 410
Loc: Huntsville, MO
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Dang GoGop, getting picky are we?? I think any of them would do for me!!
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"If you're going thru HELL...keep on going...."
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67Firebird
Former political advocate
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 9178
Loc: Russellville, Mo
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Always go for the best! 
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fish
senior member - literally
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 2464
Loc: Kingdom of Callaway
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Hell !!! Take them all. You could name them Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. 
Sunday is a day for rest you know 
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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CHICAGO – A 14-year-old boy accused of impersonating a police officer and going on patrol has pleaded not guilty.
The teenager appeared in a juvenile courtroom on Monday with his hands cuffed behind his back. A judge ordered that he be held at the juvenile center because he could pose a danger to himself.
On Saturday the teen, wearing an officer's uniform, walked into a police station and was assigned to go on patrol. He partnered with another officer for about five hours before the ruse was discovered.
Police say the boy did not have a gun, never issued any tickets and didn't drive the squad car.
The Rev. Roosevelt Watkins says the boy had lived with him for much of the past year and is fascinated by police work.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
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Quote:
SwampFox said:
CHICAGO – A 14-year-old boy accused of impersonating a police officer and going on patrol has pleaded not guilty.
The teenager appeared in a juvenile courtroom on Monday with his hands cuffed behind his back. A judge ordered that he be held at the juvenile center because he could pose a danger to himself.
On Saturday the teen, wearing an officer's uniform, walked into a police station and was assigned to go on patrol. He partnered with another officer for about five hours before the ruse was discovered.
Police say the boy did not have a gun, never issued any tickets and didn't drive the squad car.
The Rev. Roosevelt Watkins says the boy had lived with him for much of the past year and is fascinated by police work.
Aw, c'mon - that doesn't sound so bad. On the news they said the kid used to be in a Police Explorer outfit, and that's why he had the uniform but no badge. It sounds like he just wants to be a cop - and being 14, he handled this wrong.
If I was running that police station, instead of prosecuting the kid I'd see about getting him back in Police Explorers so eventually, with the proper training and permissions, he could go on ride-alongs. Who knows - if he likes it that much, he might make a good cop someday.
But mostly I'd have a come-to-Jesus meeting with my DUMB officer who let someone do a ride-along with no I.D., no orders from a supervisor, and no documentation - and then didn't figure out that the kid was 14 for FIVE HOURS. Sheesh.
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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