SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
My daughter is making
hand sanitizer.
Thought I’d try it.
It tastes like 151 and coke.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
As we enter week 2 of the lock down I can't help but think of Osama Bin Laden.
Stuck in his house for 5 years with 3 wives.
I wonder if he called the Navy Seals himself?
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
Edited by SwampFox (04/06/20 08:56 AM)
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Doctor: Have you been drinking enough fluids?
Me: Doctor, Fluids are all I drink.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Whoever said one person can't change the world never ate under cooked bat.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
The telephone rings, and the wife answers.
A pervert with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight bald ass."
Woman replies, "Yes, he's watching TV - whom shall I say is calling?"
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Quarantine day 7: Today I melted an ice cube with my mind. It took a lot longer than I expected.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Of all the things I learned in grade school,
avoiding cooties was the last one I expected to use.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
I'm finally grounded for all the things I got away with as a teen.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
I would ask how your
weekend went but
the term has
becoming meaningless.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Covid 19 tip:
If you run out of food
look for a house with a
Vote Bernie sign.
They don't own guns.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Wife and I masked up and went to Sam's today.
When we got back home and took the masks off
it was not my wife.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
We are called essential because
ceiling us sacrificial
would be too honest.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
NUMBER TO REPORT NEIGHBORS GETTING FRESH AIR OR HUMAN CONNECTION
1(800) IMA-NAZI
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
The Rapture has taken place.
We were all left behind.
Toilet paper shelves are empty because, "The roll was called up yonder".
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
i have the most loving wife.
Last night I woke to find her
holding a pillow over my face
to protect me from the virus.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Hormel Foods made their first batch of spam in 1937.
As a result of all the food hoarding
they will make their second batch this week.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
I didn't buy a 2020 planner
this year so I've got that
going for me.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
As kids, the threat from quicksand and piranhas was exaggerated.
Who knew the threat from cooties was real?
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Do you th9nk this quarantine can bring me down?
I've been in the military.
I can hurry up and wait forever.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
King Felipe VI has been quarantined to his jet.
Now the reign of Spain stays mainly on the plane.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
I didn't know grandma
had a gun
until I coughed.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
The Power Ball is up to an 18 pack of Charmin.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
I wonder if all this is happening because
I didn't forward that letter to 10 other people?
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
Edited by SwampFox (04/06/20 11:19 AM)
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
A dolphin just told me,"So long and thanks for all the fish."
Does anyone know what that means?
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Suddenly having a mask, duct tape, rope
and plastic sheeting in your trunk is normal.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Tomorrow is National Home School Tornado Drill Day.
Your kids have to lock themselves in the basement
till you give the all clear.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Singles Ad: Man with TP looking for woman with sanitizer for good clean fun.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
After a couple of weeks of quarantine I saw a neighbor walking past the house.
I ran to the window and started yelling at them.
Now I know how my dog feels.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
People are so afraid right now
you could rob a bank with a booger.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Homeschooling update: My child just requested a different teacher for next year.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
My scale this morning:
Please social distance.
Only weigh one person
at a time.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
I will continue
social distancing from
some of you
after this is over.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Empty airports mean CNN lost 99% of their viewers.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Every country has the coronavirus but China
got it right off the bat.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Does anyone know if we can start taking showers again?
Or do we just keep washing our hands?
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Our internet connection is so slow
that we turned on the churches live feed
and saw John The Baptist.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
The first reported case of looting was by
Chuck and Nancy.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
In an isolationship.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Gas cheapest it's been in 30 years.
Can't drive.
Airline tickets dirt cheap.
Can't fly.
We are stuck in an Alanis Morisette song.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
I finished Netflix today.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
I told my wife I was thankful I had
someone I liked to be quarantined with.
She said,"Must be nice."
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Not a single zombie.
This apocalypses sucks.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Homeschooling question:
Does having your kids make cork
count as a chemistry lesson?
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages.
This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
If the food runs out we still have each other.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
If it all goes sideways remember that impalements at the gate make for more gracious guest.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
My house got TP'd last night.
Now it's worth $875.500.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
I wonder how many social drinkers are beginning to sense they have a problem?
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
There should be a decrease in home invasions.
Everyone has guns and enough bleach
and paper towels to clean up the evidence.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
PSA: DUI Checkpoint - Corner of Hallway & Kitchen.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Quarantine life: A strawberry has 246 seeds.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
I need to get out of bed
so I'm not late
to the living room.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
I hadn't planned on giving up this much for Lent.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
It has been 6 days since pants.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
God got so mad about all of our fighting down here
that He sent us all to our rooms.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
The rapid spread of bad covid-19 jokes is deeply worrisome.
Experts are concerned it will become a pundemic.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Day 7 of quarantine and preparing to take out the garbage.
I'm so excited, I can’t decide what to wear.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Quit posting math problems on the internet
like its a game or something.
If you need help with your kids homework
just say so.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
They are saying that
sunlight and alcohol
kill the corona virus.
If you see me naked
and passed out in the yard
it's research.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Being quarantined
from the grand kids is tough.
This morning I had to pull my own finger.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
wuchang
spiritual advisor and gatekeeper to the Spirit World
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5209
Loc: uphill
|
|
Quote:
SwampFox said:
Being quarantined
from the grand kids is tough.
This morning I had to pull my own finger.
Oh Lord........ 
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
Gardening season.
I planted my ass on the sofa
5 weeks ago and it's growing.
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
I try to be mild mannered, but I lost it today. A real eruption. In a grocery aisle, I saw a healthy young man with a cart heaped with everything everyone wants. Paper goods. Bread. Milk. Hand sanitizer. Something snapped and I told him what I thought. Let him have it.
“Do you know how selfish you are?! Do you know how many elderly or sick or young families need these things?! Couldn’t you just take adequate for yourself?!”
He listened quietly.
When the steam was out of my valves, I stopped, righteously satisfied. “Okay,” he said. “May I go back to stocking shelves, now?”
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
