SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"
"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"
"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."
"Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy."
"But why?"
"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Jill's car was unreliable and she called John for a ride every time it broke down. One day John got yet another one of those calls.
"What happened this time?" he asked.
"My brakes went out," Jill said. "Can you come to get me?"
"Where are you?" John asked.
"I'm in the drugstore," Jill responded.
"And where's the car?" John asked.
Jill replied, "It's in here with me."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.
'Give me one last request, dear,' he said.
'Of course, John,' his wife said softly.
'Six months after I die,' he said, 'I want you to marry Bob.'
'But I thought you hated Bob,' she said.
With his last breath John said, 'I do
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Video: Things you don't say to your wife 
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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Women over 50
Here is a piece written by Andy Rooney - CBS 60 Minutes:
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 50 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
* A woman over 50 will not lay next to you in bed and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
* If a woman over 50 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.
* A woman over 50 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 50 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.
* Women over 50 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
* Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
* A woman over 50 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.
* Women over 50 could care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.
* Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50. They always know.
* A woman over 50 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
* Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
* Yes, we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 50+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 18-year-old waitress.
* Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage......!!! Doc
 
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A husband says to his wife, "what would you do if I won Lotto?"
She says, "I'd take half then leave you."
"Excellent," he replies, "I won 12 bucks, here's $6 now take off!"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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One year a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetary plot as a Christmas gift. The next year he didn't buy her anything.
When she asked him why, he replyed, "Well, you haven't used the the gift I bought you last year!"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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In 1912, the world famous Austrian gynecologist, Dr. Hermann Otto Kloepneckler, M.D., Ph.D., published the following:
"The best engine in the world is the vagina. It can be started with one finger. It is self-lubricating. It takes any size piston. And it changes its own oil every four weeks. It is only a pity that the management system is so temperamental."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.
Doctor, "What happened?"
Woman," Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp...."
Doctor,"I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle".
2 weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again.
Woman,"Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled with chamomile tea and gargled and nothing happened."
Doctor:"You see how keeping your mouth shut helps."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A man watching a hockey game on TV kept switching channels to a raunchy movie featuring a lusty couple. "I don't know whether to watch them or the game," he said to his wife.
"For heaven's sake, watch them," his wife said. "You already know how to play Hockey!"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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I once met a man who took his extremely ugly wife everywhere he went. You never saw him anywhere unless this horrible looking wench was right by his side.
I finally asked him why he insisted taking her everywhere considering her repulsive appearance.
His reply, "I can't bear to kiss her goodbye."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A question for the gals...
What Gets Longer When Pulled,
Fits Between your Boobs,
Inserts Neatly in a Hole
AND Works Best When Jerked?
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A seatbelt
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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An official in Shijiazhuang, China, told Agence France-Presse in December that the city's new "women only" parking lot was designed to meet females' "strong sense of color and different sense of distance." That is, the spaces are 3 feet wider than regular spaces and painted pink and purple. Also, attendants have been "trained" to "guide" women into parking spaces. [BBC News, 12-28-09]
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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fish
senior member - literally
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 2464
Loc: Kingdom of Callaway
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Swampfox -
Just happen to have a picture of the parking lot....
[image] [/image]
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Did the attendants make it out alive?
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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fish
senior member - literally
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 2464
Loc: Kingdom of Callaway
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Swampfox - No Wemmens were injured in this production. They all jerked their seatbelts 
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