SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Veet: Hair remover for men
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A man has six children and he is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife Mother of Six in spite of her objections.
One night they go to a party. The man decides that its time to go home, and he wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, shall we go home, Mother of Six? His wife irritated by her husbands lack of discretion, shouts back, anytime youre ready, Father of Four!
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Joe's wife likes to sing so she decided to join the church choir. From time to time she would practice while she was preparing dinner.
Whenever she would start in on a song Joe would head outside to the porch.
His wife, with hurt feelings, said, "What's the matter Joe. Don't you like my singing?"
Joe replied, "Honey, I love your singing but want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Ole Tom & Lena lived by lake in Nordern Minnesota . It vas early vinter and da lake had froze over.
Ole Tom asked Lena if she vould valk across da frozen lake to da yeneral store to get him some smokes. She asked him for some money, but he told her, Nah, yust put it on our tab.
So Lena valked across, got the smokes at da yeneral store, den walked back home across the frozen lake. Ven she got home and gave Ole Tom his smokes, she asked him, Ole, you alvays tell me not to run up da tab at da store. Why didn't you yust give me some money?
Ole Tom replied, Vell, I didn't vant to send you out dere vit some money ven I vasn't sure how tick the ice vas yet.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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I once dated a girl who owned a parrot.
The thing would never shut the f*ck up.
The parrot was cool though.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC, MOST PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRYING IN RECENT YEARS
25% of women in this country are on medication for mental illness.
And, that's scary.........
It means 75% of them are running around with no medication at all!!
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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While examining his lady patient, the doctor tells her......
Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are fine.
Now let me see that little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds
of trouble.
The lady started taking off her clothes.....
Doctor, stopping her: "No! No! Please put on your clothes.
Just show me your tongue.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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Subject: Gynecologist's Assistant (Looking for a job)
A retired man went into the Job Center in Downtown Denver, and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.
The clerk pulled up the file and read; "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. The annual salary is $65,000, and you'll have to go to Billings, Montana."
"Good grief . . . Is that where the job is?"
"No sir . . . that's where the end of the line is right now."
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Boudreaux took his wife, Cloteele, to a dance down the bayou, last weekend. There was a guy on the dance floor dancing like crazy – breakdancing, moonwalking, back flips, the whole works.
Cloteele turns to Boudreaux and says “See dat guy? 25 years ago he propose to me and I turn him down."
Boudreaux says “Mais, it looks like he still celebrating."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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My Mother-in-law is coming to visit.
She will stay with us for a week.
I have had to clean out half my closet so she has a place to hang upside down and sleep!
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Man comes home from work tired. Ready for a beer, paper and relaxing on the couch.
The Wife comes in and says "You need to leave. I'm having a bunch of the girls over for a co-cktail party!"
He refuses to leave his own home so she says that as long as he will behave he can stay.The appointed hour arrives and she is in the kitchen making H'dourves.
She tells him to go out and entertain the ladys until she is ready.
She comes out of the kitchen to find an empty room,except for her husband.
"WHERE ARE THE LADIES?"she screamed.
To which he replied,"They asked for co-cktail, I told them a few and they got up and left."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a couple nice cold beers. The day was really quite beautiful, and the brew facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.
Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "it might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Wife is at home and texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen."
Husband texts back: "Pour some lukewarm water over it."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later:"Computer completely fried now."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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No dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. However, in a recent linguistic conference held in London , England , and attended by some of the best linguists in the world: Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clear winner.
His final challenge was this: Some say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand.
Here is his astute answer: "When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"
His answer was received with a standing ovation lasting over 5 minutes and it entitled him to receive an invitation to dine with Queen, who decided to call him after the contest. He won a trip to travel around the world in style and a case of 25 year old Eldorado rum for his answer.
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed. As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do.
Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a calm voice, the husband said, "Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry store."
He said, "Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCdKiRDdohA&feature=related
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got
your hair cut, you 'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends
over there instead of you."
***********
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began
to lose patience and said.
"Come on, what day was I born"?
I said, “Yesterday."
***********
I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
***********
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.
I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "
***********
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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