rb.
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 1010
Loc: mo
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These are pretty funny. Especially the breakfast one.....I make it in 7 also.
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67Firebird
Former political advocate
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 9172
Loc: Russellville, Mo
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A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.
The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
"Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."
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67Firebird
Former political advocate
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 9172
Loc: Russellville, Mo
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''Yeah," said Sam, "I remember her. What about her?"
"Well, she knew I had money, and she filed rape charges against me; and, at
89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court I pleaded 'Guilty'…'The
damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury."
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67Firebird
Former political advocate
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 9172
Loc: Russellville, Mo
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While in a coffee shop one morning, I overheard a guy telling about his cotton picker throwing a rod and how much it was going to cost him.
An old guy at the same table said that when he was farming, he could throw a rod in a cotton picker for an RC Cola and a Moon Pie.
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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An elderly couple was flying to Hawaii for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the captain announces,
“Ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives.”
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later, the husband turns to his wife and asks,
“Honey, did we pay the car bill this month?”
“No, sweetheart.” she responds.
Still shaken from the crash landing, he then asks,
“Did we pay our credit card bill yet?”
“Oh no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the cheque.” she says.
“One last thing, did you remember to pay the medical bill for the hospital visit last month?” he asks.
“Oh, forgive me, sweetheart,” begged the wife. “I didn’t send that one, either.”
The husband grabs her and gives her the biggest hug he has given her in 50 years. She pulls away and asks him,
“What was the hug for?”
The husband answers, “They’ll find us!”
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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