SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Can't give them all to Bubba...
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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DMac
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 2086
Loc: looking for my Swingline stapl...
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Quote:
SwampFox said:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
 X eleventy gazillion
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Police say alcohol may have been involved in this incident
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Video: A Christmas Message From Osama
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Dear Santa, Please send me a baby brother.
Santa Replys, "Send me your mother..."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Dear Santa
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Dear Santa, I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy
all yeer. yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his rear constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum set, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay; I'll set you up with a Barbie.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the fannies of cork waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging stuff may work with your over-indulgent folks, but
that garbage doesn't work with me.You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
ass whipped at school. Second, you don 't live in a house; you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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An educational post. Sorry about that...
Colonial Christmas Traditions: Early American Holiday Customs
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
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--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Video: The Perfect Gift
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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Post deleted by SwampFox
Hmmm. It seems the post can't be deleted, Only the contents can be deleted. (link no longer valid.)
Edited by SwampFox (12/18/11 04:26 PM)
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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All the advantages of a sexy bubble bath without the sex and that warm relaxed feeling. 
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Video: White Trash Christmas
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A young Mother was out Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at shelf after shelf of toys, and everything else imaginable, and listening to her children asking for everything they seen on those many shelves, she finally made it to the elevator.
She stood there feeling what so many of us feel during the Holliday Season. The pressure to attend every party, every housewarming, taste all of the Holliday foods and treats, get the perfect gift for everyone on the list, sending cards to everyone on the list, and making sure we respond to everyone that sent a card.
Finally, the bell rang and the elevator doors opened, revealing an already crowded car. Somehow, she squeezed in with her bags, and managed to pull her kids in after her.
The doors closed, and she smiled at the lady next to her, and said, "Whoever started this Holliday stuff should be hunted down, strung up, and shot".
From the back of the car, a calm voice replied, "Don't worry, we already crucified him".
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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I went Christmas shopping for my wife this evening.
I told the sales lady I wanted some perfume for my wife, so she handed me a bottle. I sniffed it and she smiled and said, that's $90 a bottle. I handed it back and asked, do you have anything a little less expensive?
She handed me another bottle, I sniffed it and she said that's $60 a bottle. Seeing we weren't getting to my price range I asked, could I see something cheap?
She handed me a mirror.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
Edited by SwampFox (12/02/09 11:54 AM)
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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For the Calvin and Hobbs fans...
Calvin and Hobbes Snow Art Gallery
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Night Bafo Crizzmus
Wus da Night Bafo Crizzmus and all thru da hood;
Everybody be chillin and da chillin be good.
We hunged up our stockins an we all hoped like hell;
Dat obama sho gunna bring us
sumthin we can sell.
All of da family was layin' on da flo';
My sister wif her gurlfriend and my brotha wif some ho.
Ashtrays was all full, empty beer cans and all;
When I heared such a fuss, I thunk...."chit, must be da law".
I pullz the sheet off da window fo what I'ze could see;
I was spectin' the sherrif, wif a
warrent fo' me.
But what did I see, sho made me say: "Lawd, look 'a dat!"
Here was a huge watermelon bein pulled by 8 big, fat-ass rats.
Now ovah da years, Santy Claws he be white;
But it looks like us brotha's got us a black-un' tonight.
Faster than a
poe-lice car, my homeboy he came;
And whupped up on dem rats, as he called dem by name.
On Biden,
On Jessie,
On Pelosi and Hillary Who;
On Fannie,
On Freddie,
On Ayers and
Slick Willy too.
Obama landed dat melon right there
in da street;
I knowed it fo' sho', I seez him stop it wit his bare feet.
Dat Santy didn't need no chimley
he picked da lock on my do';
I sez to myself, "This Sons-a-biatch,
He done did this chit befo!"
He had a big bag full of presents at first I suspeck;
Wif 'Air Jordans' and fake gold,
to wear roun' my neck.
But he left me no presents, just started stealin my chit.
He got my guns and my crack and my new burglers kit.
Den, wif my chit in his bag, out da windo' he flew;
I sho' woulda shanked him, but
he done snagged my new blade too!
He jumped back on dat melon, wif out even a hitch;
And wuz gone in two seconds, da democrat son-of-a-biatch.
So nex year I be hopin', fo a white Santy we git;
'Cause a black Santy Claws, just ain't worf-a-chit!
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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