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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: Bubba]
      #184231 - 04/25/09 10:53 PM

There was a New England Minister...

His son got a job transfer to Louisiana .

Two weeks later, the son called the father:

Son: Dad, I met a girl and we're gonna get married.

Dad: Son, you know what they say about those Southern Belles.

They can't cook, they can't clean house, don't make love,

and she's gonna call you Yankee for the rest of your life.

Son: I don't care. I love her and I'm going to marry her.

Two weeks later, the son called the father again,

Son: Dad, I married her!

Dad: What about all the things I warned you about?

Son : Dad, she cooks like a dream, she keeps the house

spic-&-span and loves sex.

Dad: What about the last thing?

Son: We came to an understanding.............

She doesn't call me Yankee and I don't call her Nigroid.

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


Edited by SwampFox (04/25/09 10:53 PM)


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Ozark
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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #184232 - 04/25/09 11:11 PM

At Cox Hospital in Springfield, 3 women were giving birth at exactly the same time. Doctors and nurses were running around and there was a lot of confusion.

The three fathers were in the waiting room - a local guy, a feller from northern Arkansas, and a black guy.

Finally a doctor came out and told the fathers that everything was fine - three baby boys had been born, and everybody was healthy.

The doctor apologized, though. He said that in all the confusion they hadn't been able to keep track of which baby was which and that DNA testing might be necessary to figure it out. He suggested that the fathers go in and look at the babies, and maybe they'd be able to identify which one was theirs.

They went in and looked, and the fella from Springfield immediately picked out the black baby and said when the time came he'd take it home. The black guy went nuts - "What's the matter with you? You KNOW that baby's not yours!"

"I know", said the Springfield guy, "I just don't want to take a chance on getting the Arkie".

-----------------------------------

And Bubba, if you're gonna tell it - tell it right, dang it.

****

A black guy walked into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. It was a magnificent bird with all different colored feathers - bright yellow, red, blue, and green.

The bartender threw a fit over it. "Man, that's the prettiest thing I've ever seen. It's just beautiful! Where in the world did you GET something that pretty?"

"K_ansas City" said the parrot, "they got a million of 'em."

-----------------
I heard that one in high school, 'bout 1962 or so.


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: Ozark]
      #184255 - 04/26/09 03:02 PM



--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #184494 - 04/29/09 03:27 AM



--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #184498 - 04/29/09 04:16 AM

George Farthing, an expatriate British man living in America, was recently diagnosed as clinically depressed, tanked up on anti-depressants and scheduled for controversial Shock Therapy when doctors realised he wasn't depressed at all - only British.

Mr Farthing, whose characteristic pessimism and gloomy perspective were interpreted as serious clinical depression, was led on a nightmare journey through the American psychiatric system. Doctors described Farthing as suffering with Pervasive Negative Anticipation - a belief that everything will turn out for the worst, whether it's trains arriving late, England's chances at winning any international sports event or even his own prospects to get ahead in life and achieve his dreams.

"The satisfaction Mr Farthing seemed to get from his pessimism seemed particularly pathological," reported the doctors.

"They put me on everything - Lithium, Prozac, St John's Wort," said Mr Farthing. "They even told me to sit in front of a big light for an hour a day or I'd become suicidal. I kept telling them this was all pointless and they said that it was exactly that sort of attitude that got me here in the first place."

Running out of ideas, his doctors finally resorted to a course of "weapons grade amphetamine", the only noticeable effect of which was six hours of speedy repetitions of the phrases "mustn't grumble" and "not too bad, really".

It was then that Mr Farthing was referred to a psychotherapist.

Dr Isaac Horney explored Mr Farthing's family history and couldn't believe his ears.

"His story of a childhood growing up in a grey little town where it rained every day, treeless streets of identical houses and passionately backing a football team who never won, seemed to be typical depressive ideation or false memory. Mr Farthing had six months of therapy but seemed to mainly want to talk about the weather - how miserable and cold it was in winter and later how difficult and hot it was in summer. I felt he wasn't responding to therapy at all and so I recommended drastic action - namely ECT or shock treatment".

"I was all strapped down on the table and they were about to put the rubber bit in my mouth when the psychiatric nurse picked up on my accent," said Mr Farthing. "I remember her saying 'Oh my God, I think we're making a terrible mistake'." Nurse Alice Sheen was a big fan of British comedy, giving her an understanding of the British psyche.

"Classic comedy characters like Tony Hancock, Albert Steptoe and Frank Spencer are all hopeless cases with no chance of ever doing well or escaping their circumstances," she explained to the baffled US medics. "That's funny in Britain and is not seen as pathological at all."

Identifying Mr Farthing as British changed his diagnosis from 'clinical depression' to 'rather quaint and charming' and he was immediately discharged from hospital, with a selection of brightly coloured leaflets and an "I love New York" T-shirt.

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #184557 - 04/30/09 04:26 AM

Video: Retarded Policeman

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #184660 - 05/01/09 03:34 AM



--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #185151 - 05/07/09 11:17 AM



--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #185303 - 05/10/09 05:41 PM



--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #185360 - 05/12/09 02:36 AM

A black guy walks into a bar with a gorilla. The bartender says to him "HEY, ASSHOLE. You can't bring wild animals in here!" The black guy apologizes and leaves.
He heads home and decides he's going to fork with the bartender. He completely shaves the gorilla leaving only a moustache, puts make-up, a wig, a tight slinky dress, and heels on it, and returns to the bar.
He walks in with the gorilla, the bartender sees this, looks over at a coworker and says, "How come every time a hot Italian chick comes in, she's always with a black guy???"

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #185499 - 05/14/09 03:59 AM

I can't see the big deal with calling a Pakistani a Paki.
Isn't it just the same as calling an Australian an Aussie, an Englishman a Limey or a Frenchman a Crunt?



Went to my first Muslim birthday party last week.
The "musical chairs" was a bit slow but the "pass the parcel" was quick!!!


When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike.
Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.


Lady in labour, shouting the usual chit, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!"
She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you forker!"
He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse, but you said, 'fork off it'll be too painful.'"


I'm not racist, racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.


I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I had to stop wanking.
When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"


I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up, Abdul? Won't it start?"


My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."
So I did her in the ass, pulled out, flipped her over, and came all over her face and hair.
I guess we don't watch the same movies.


A man walks into a gas station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat biatch."


Chinese guy walks into a bar. The bartender is black.
Chinese guys says, "Gimmie a jigger, ****!"
The black guy is shocked, but gives him a shot.
The Chinese guy repeats the same thing.
The black guy gets pissed but still gives him another shot.
The Chinese guy says it again and the black guy is royally pissed now.
He yells, "You get back here! I'm going to do the same thing to you and you can see how it feels."
The black guy storms out and the Chinese guy gets behind the bar.
The black guy walks in and yells, "Gimmie a drink, chink!"
The Chinese guys says, "Sorry. We don't serve niggroids here!"


I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted, "Hey, what's your disability?"
I said, "Tourettes! Now fork off you crunt!"

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #185503 - 05/14/09 04:40 AM



--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #186212 - 05/24/09 10:33 PM



--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #186218 - 05/25/09 02:16 AM



--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #186348 - 05/27/09 03:57 AM



--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #186351 - 05/27/09 05:44 AM



--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #186403 - 05/28/09 04:29 AM



--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #186529 - 05/30/09 04:39 PM



--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #186564 - 05/31/09 11:42 PM



--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #186808 - 06/05/09 03:28 AM



--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #186959 - 06/09/09 04:23 AM



--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #187426 - 06/18/09 01:12 PM



--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #187954 - 06/27/09 03:55 PM



--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #188015 - 06/30/09 02:50 AM



--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: I'm Not Racist. I Hate Everyone [Re: SwampFox]
      #188128 - 07/02/09 03:02 AM

Two Muslims died and came up to the pearly gates.
St. peter looked them over and told them. I don't know if i can allow you in here, I have to go check with God. In doing so God told him that of course they accepted Muslims. St. peter went back and opened the gates for them.
Moments later, two jews came before him, and St.Peter, told them that they would have to wait until he checked with God again. Once again God told him that of course they accepted jews.
Then two blacks came before him. St. peter told them like the others that he would have to check with God. Once again God told St. Peter that it was fit to accept blacks. St. peter went back out to the gates, and then returned back to God.
God he said - they're gone.
The blacks asked God?
No the Pearly gates

--------------------
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