SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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North America's Leading Drug companies have announced that live rabbits will no longer be used in experiments....... Muslims will be used instead. A top scientist has stated that the advantage of using Muslims is that they breed just as fast as rabbits, but you don't become fond of them.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
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Fox News is already cowering down to the President.....
In response to President Obama's complaint that FOX News doesn't show enough Black and Hispanic people on their network, FOX has announced that they will now air "America's Most Wanted" TWICE a week.
I don't care who you are, now that's funny!
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Why did princess Dianna cross the road?
Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
One time I saw a black dude walking out of my building carrying a tv.
Normally, I wouldn't have paid attention, but I noticed it looked a lot like mine.
So I ran upstairs and burst into my apartment to see if it was still there.
It was; shining my shoes.
A girl is out at the bar one night and spots a black dude on the dance floor.
She starts dancing with him and before they know it they're back at her place on the couch.
She can tell he's horny and ready to go, so she leans close and says "I've always wondered if what they say about black guys is true." "It sure is, baby.', he replies. She leans in even closer and whispers "Then, why don't you prove it to me".
So he stabs her and steals her purse.
What's black and sits at the tops of stairs?
Christopher Reeve in a house fire.
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
Christopher Walken.
How many Jews can fit in a Volkswagen?
2 in front, 2 in the back, and 300 in the ashtray.
Why are there trees in Harlem?
Public Transportation.
How do you punish a blind man?
Put a plunger in his toilet.
What do you call a White, Christian terrorist?
Not newsworthy.
Why do all black people have nightmares?
Because the last one that had a dream got shot.
What starts with n and end with r that you don't want to call a black person?
neighbor
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing.
I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Seems that Poopoo Boudreaux was getting tired of folks picking on him because of his name. He decided to go down to the Social Security Administration one day and have his name changed.
Well, the wife was a little uneasy about all this name changing and met him at the door when he returned.
She said "Mon cher, did you done changed your name?"
Poopoo replies "Dats right. Ain't nobody can ever call me Poopoo Boudreaux anymore."
The wife, still anxious about the days events says, "Well what we gonna call you now.
Her husband triumphantly exclaims "From now on, I'm gonna be Poopoo Thibodeaux
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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" The primary difference between an Islamicized city, like Detroit, and Dannon yogurt is that the yogurt has a living culture."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Did you hear about the guy who had a map of Canada tattooed on his ass?
Every time he sits down Quebec separates..
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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When I was in India recently, I saw a sign that said, 'English speaking taxi driver'.
I thought to myself, "What a brilliant idea. Why don't we have them in Canada ?"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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The Substitute Teacher
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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My son asked me today what's the difference between a crow and a blackbird.
I told him crows have somewhat heavier beaks and fan shaped tails.
A blackbird has big rubbery lips, fuzzy hair and a massive arse.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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My sexy Chinese neighbor told me she was desperate for a roger.
It was only after I had my trousers round my ankles that I realized she wanted to rent her spare room.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
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A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States .
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education!"
The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am a Mexican."
The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America ."
The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese."
The new arrival walks farther, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for wonderful America!"
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East. I am not American."
He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?" She says, "No, I am from Africa ."
Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"
The African lady checks her watch and says,
"Probably at work."
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Paul Dallas
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 1189
Loc: the corner of Bedlam & Squalor
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Heard about this one just yesterday, I'm only the 17 millionth viewer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udS-OcNtSWo
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Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
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That's nice, P.D., I actually like her.
Allow me to respond with this one - the star of which is obviously Antoine, the "victim's brother". Now, does laughing at this guy make me racist, homophobic, "just making my own fun", or all of the above??? Bwaaahaaaahaaaa, you can't make this stuff up!
Meet Antoine
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Ole and Sven are walking down a street in Chippewa Falls, WI, (Home of Linenkeugel Beer) when they see a sign on a store that reads, Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, and trousers $2.50 a pair.
Ole says to his pal, "Looky here! We could buy a whole gob of dese, take 'em back to Dulute, Minnesota, sell 'em to our friends and make a fortune. Now when we go in dere, you be quiet, okay? Yust let me do da talkin cuz if dey hear yer accent, dey might tink vee are ignorant and try to cheat us. No way do vee vant dem to know vee're from Minnesota."
They go in and Ole says with his best Wisconsin accent, "I'll take 50 of those suits at $5.00 each, 100 of those shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and ...."
The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Minnesota, aren't you?"
"Vell ...yeah," says a surprised Ole, "How'd ya know dat!?"
"Because this is a dry-cleaners."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Big Eagle applied for a fork lift operator job at a firm based in Prince Albert.
Joe applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and were led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.
When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.
The manager went to Big Eagle and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to give Joe the job.
Big Eagle , "What 'cho mean, why you doin that, you are racist? We both got 19 questions right? This is Prince Albert and I 'm first nations, I should get the job."
Manager, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong."
Big Eagle said, "Tell me how would one wrong answer be better than another?"
Manager, "Simple, On question number 7 Joe wrote down, 'I don’t know.'
You put down, ‘Neither do I’."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
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A little oriental woman was in front of me in line at the bank. She was exchanging foreign money for U.S. dollars, and she was upset.
She asked the teller "Why last week I get $108. for ten thousand yen, and today I get only $105."?
The teller shrugged her shoulders and said "Fluctuations."
"Well...... fluct you white people too!", the woman replied.
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Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
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That's it! Here's the word I've been looking for:
Kapoooya
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