SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Bubba, an airline mechanic, was bragging to his boss one day. "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name Someone, Anyone and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "Okay, Bubba, how about Tom Cruise"?
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends and I can prove it."
So, Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba ! Great to see You! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Bush," his Boss quickly retorts.
Yep", Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
So, off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise. I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
The new Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Bubba. "I've known the Pope a long time."
So, off they fly to Rome.
Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, this will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards, so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
He disappears into the crowd headed toward St. Peter's.
Sure enough, half an hour later, Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his Boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened"?
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and The Pope came out on the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba"?
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A Welsh farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking out of a pond.
The Welsh farmer shouted: 'Paid a yfed a dwr, maer gwerthin wedi cachu un a for.'
[Which means: 'Don't drink the water the cows have chit in it.']
The man shouts back: 'I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in English.'
The Welsh farmer says: 'Use two hands, it holds more'!!!
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Expert Witness
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Two business men in NY are sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store isn't ready -- only a few shelves are set up.
One says to the other, "I bet any minute now some tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling."
No sooner are the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious hill-billy from the south walks to the window, has a peek, and in a Southern drawl asks, "What're y'all sellin' here?"
One of the men replies, "Oh! We're selling assholes here.
Without skipping a beat, the southerner says, "Well, I see y'all're doing really good, you only got two left!"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Sudan Teddy Case Stalls 'Tickle Me Muhammad' Launch
(2007-11-30) ? As a Sudanese court handed down a 15-day jail sentence for a British women convicted of allowing school children to name a teddy bear after The Prophet of Islam, Mattel Toys announced today it would delay the launch of its much-anticipated ?Tickle Me Muhammad? toy line.
The teacher, Gillian Gibbons, 54, narrowly escaped 40 lashes, six months in prison and a fine, thanks to the mercy of the Islamic court which instead commended her to the care of the Sudanese penal system where she?ll be one of 1,200 women and children incarcerated in a mosquito-infested prison built to hold about 200.
A Mattel spokesman said the Sudan teddy bear case has caused the company to ?rethink the propriety of the planned pre-Christmas release of Tickle Me Muhammad,? which it described as ?a cuddly adorable friend, with a long plush beard and a puffy turban, who laughs uncontrollably when you touch him almost anywhere.?
?We really thought it would help soften the image of Muslims,? said the unnamed Mattel source, ?and help to bring about the peaceful world order which they have been fighting for almost non-stop over the past 1,400 years.?
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai Warrior. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai.
"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.
The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!
"What a skillful feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Samurai, show me what you can do."
The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* *Swish!* The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered!
"Ah-h-h, that is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top that, Number three
Samurai?"
Number Three Samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing a fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh!* flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room and the fly let out a high pitched sound. But the fly was still alive and buzzing around!
In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead."
"Dead, schmead," replied the Jewish Samurai. "Dead is easy. Now, circumcision .....THAT takes skill!"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Chris Rock Video- Racisim
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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From Tistis
Old Negro Space Program
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A game warden from western Misssouri, on the border, called a game warden in Iowa. He tells him to meet him at a spot that they both know. When the Iowa warden arrives, he asks, "What's up?"
The MO warden says, "There is a dog caught in a trap down in that ravine, it's terrible!"
The Iowa warden says, "You called me about a dog in a trap? What did you do that for?"
The Mo warden says, "I'm not sure that this is even in my jurisdiction, it's a Iowa dog."
The Iowa warden asks, "How did you figure that out?"
The MO warden says, "Well, he's chewed three legs off and is still caught in the trap."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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I've never really felt a need to harass someone over some personal characteristic they can't control. But I have
a dry enough wit to understand the humour in almost anything, even racially based things. My cousin though
isn't so tolerant. He thought he was being a nice guy and took a black co-worker water skiing on the Savannah
River. He was pleased with his demonstration of racial tolerance until the local marine patrol boat stopped him
and the officer gave him a citation for trolling for alligators out season.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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The Jewish sisters-in-law meet at their weekly session at the beauty shop. Ruth says to Golda, 'Such news I got for you, Golda! My Irving is finally getting married. He tells me he is engaged to this wonderful Jewish girl, but he thinks the poor darling may have some strange illness called herpes.'
After offering congratulations, Golda says to Ruth, 'So, Ruthie, do you have any idea what is this herpes, and can your Irving catch it?'
Ruth answers, 'God forbid! But his Papa and I are just so happy to hear about his engagement. You know how we've all worried about him. It's past time he's settled with a nice girl. As far as the herpes goes, who knows?'
'Well,' Golda says, 'I have a very fine medical dictionary, you know, Ruthie. I'll just run home right now and look it up and call you.'
Golda goes home, looks it up, and calls Ruth excitedly, 'Ruth! Ruth! Thank goodness, I found it. Not to worry! It says herpes is a disease affecting the gentiles.'
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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67Firebird
Former political advocate
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 9172
Loc: Russellville, Mo
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
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