JimDog
Freelance Gynecologist
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 208
Loc: Columbia
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So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest kinda ticked
off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he were green like the other toads.. He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing. Anyway... This yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother.
He begs her: "Fairy godmother, please make me green like the other toads. I am tired of being so visible to predators and suchlike."
The fairy godmother whips out her magic wand and says, "Toadra-capokus! You're green!"
The toad looks down and sees that he is green except for his package,
which is still yellow. He says to the fairy godmother: "Wait a minute! My pecker's still yellow!"
To this the fairy godmother replies: "I don't do johnsons. You will have
to go see The Wizard of Oz for that." The toad thanks her and hops off on his way.
There is a purple bear wandering about the very same woods. As luck would have it, he also encounters the very same fairy godmother. He implores her: "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like all the other bears.xNone of the lady bears want to be seen with me on account that the hunters can spot me from a mile off."
She, being a nice fairy godmother, takes out her magic wand and
says:"Bearus-cadabra! You're brown!"
The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown with the
exception of the ole twig and berries. They remain purple. He says: "My
Wang is still purple!" She says: "I don't do units, you will have to go
see The Wizard of Oz for that."
To this the bear replies: "Well that's just dandy, but how the hell do I
find The Wizard of Oz?"
The fairy godmother answers: "That's easy... Just follow the yellowdick
Toad!"
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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That one will make Mel proud. 
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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Does that road lead to the evening Geritol? Bwahahahahahahahahaha
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Bette3r leave that geritol alone. Some of the side effects...
Old folks on geritol
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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That must have been some whacky geritol.  
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Two shipmates survived a sinking and held onto a piece of floating wreckage until they reached a small island. Fortunatly, they soon found a small spring and slaked their thirst.
They could observe that the island was quite small, so they agreed that they would separate and walk aroung the island and meet at the other end in an attempt to find some source of food. They did so, and when they met, the first survivor reported that all he found was a plant that was dark red, had shiny leaves and didn't taste so bad. The second survivor said that he found about the same thing, but he described the plant as dark red, almost purple.
They mutually concluded that they had been marooned.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Police Suspect Fowl Play: "Man Arrested With Chicken in His Pants"
--Atlanta Business Chronicle
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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The zoo keeper in charge of the sea mammals was trying to train an otter to walk backwards. He was not having any success. He asked a coworker to see if she could do any better.
Lo and behold, the otter was soon walking backwards.
He asked her, "How did you do that?"
"Simple," she said,
"You put one foot in front of the otter."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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 Good thing this place is already stunk up.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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Quote:
SwampFox said:
Good thing this place is already stunk up.
This does knott say "For Redheaded FoxSwamp Only". You want to be Mel?? Take a ticket and stand in line.  
If Jack Spratt could eat no fat, does that make him a member of the tallow-ban?
I'm developing a recipe for creamy tomato soup that uses sun-dried tomatoes. I call it "Tomato Sun of a Bisque."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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In the sleepy village of Erbum, in the town of Tillet, Hertfordshire lives a lady by the name Linda Lykes. She owns the local pub called The cork Inn. Her mail is addressed:
Linda Lykes
The cork Inn
ERBUM
Tillet, Herts.
The Mailman still laughs with every delivery
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Do people who work in the oil refinery tell crude jokes?
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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I started in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting.
I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.
Then I attempted to be a deli worker. But any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard. (It's a good thing I didn't cut the cheese...)
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't note worthy.
Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried, but I just didn't fit in.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it.
My latest job is working at a coffee shop. It's kind of boring; every day is the same old grind.
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Bubba
strangesly aroused
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 3828
Loc: Lemmingstan
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God Bless our Troops!
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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Where does he find this stuff? 
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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Scout 1
New order Amish - not be confused with Meninite!
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6778
Loc: Where there are no ducks
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Ya worked at the shoe factor, but ya felt tied down.
Ya could have worked at the coffee shop but always ended up in hot water
Stupid Canuck.
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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I could have worked with a photographer, but he was a little dim.
Arguing with a clueless liberal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAyCdfOXvec&feature=player_embedded
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fish
senior member - literally
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 2464
Loc: Kingdom of Callaway
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Quote:
MissBudweiser said:
I could have worked with a photographer, but he was a little dim.
Arguing with a clueless liberal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAyCdfOXvec&feature=player_embedded
Suze - You don't know how many clueless "blonds" male and female are out there like that 
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Scout 1
New order Amish - not be confused with Meninite!
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6778
Loc: Where there are no ducks
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Ya forked it up AGAIN ya damn dotty old norwegian.
It's "I could have worked with a photographer, but we just didn't click."
GAWD! You certainly are a clueless llberal! Can't say yer blonde because peeps who are 189 years old and fartin dust can't be blonde.
Now WHERE in the hail is that case of Malkin's strawberry jam I tole you to send last year?
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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Quote:
fish said:
Quote:
MissBudweiser said:
I could have worked with a photographer, but he was a little dim.
Arguing with a clueless liberal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAyCdfOXvec&feature=player_embedded
Suze - You don't know how many clueless "blonds" male and female are out there like that
To quote Madge - "I'm already soaking in 'em up here, fish!" 
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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Quote:
Scout 1 said:
Ya forked it up AGAIN ya damn dotty old norwegian.
It's "I could have worked with a photographer, but we just didn't click."
GAWD! You certainly are a clueless llberal! Can't say yer blonde because peeps who are 189 years old and fartin dust can't be blonde.
Now WHERE in the hail is that case of Malkin's strawberry jam I tole you to send last year?
Helen Waite is now in charge of all rush orders.
If you are in a hurry, just go to Helen Waite. 
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"This mushroom walks into a bar and starts hitting on this woman...
She, of course, turns him down.
Not willing, to give up, he pleads with her... "C'mon lady, I'm a fun guy...""
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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