Bubba
strangesly aroused
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 3828
Loc: Lemmingstan
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God Bless our Troops!
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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OMG!!! Where in the world do you come up with stuff like this? LMAO!!! 
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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That was three months ago. I can't remember that far back.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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I was warned not to steal kitchen utensils.
It was a whisk I was willing to take.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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I can't believe I was fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Get well Mel. If you have FB.. My FB page.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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As I age I think of the people I've lost along the way. Sometimes I think, "Maybe tour guide wasn't the right job for me."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Puns make me feel numb.
Math puns make me feel number.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay, because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.
We clicked pretty quickly, and started chatting regularly. Every day, sometimes throughout the day. Slowly we learned more about each other. Her dog's name was Daisy. My truck's name was Dodge Ram (I apologized for my lack of creativity). She was a CPA. I was a beekeeper.
And at this, she stumbled. "If we ever meet in real-life, I want you to know that I could never date a beekeeper." But we were still far away from that point, so it was moot.
But time went on, and we gradually became closer to that point. More personal information. What firm she worked for. Where my farm was. Names of relatives. Names of high schools. All the things that just come up in conversation eventually if you talk to someone long enough.
But, oddly, after all this time, neither of us had thought to send any pictures. Until one day I got a message from her: "I never thought I'd say this, but I really do want to meet you in person. I think we have a rare connection, and I don't want to squander it. I want to send you my picture, and I want you to send me yours, but I'm telling you, I can never date a beekeeper."
I couldn't imagine a life without my bees. But I also couldn't imagine a life without her. Tentatively, reluctantly, I clicked on the image attached to her message.
Then I saw her face. Now I'm a bee leaver.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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There was a line of 10 ants frantically running in a circle in my room. Being the kind hearted soul I am, I built a small house and put it in the circle. The ants changed course and all entered the house. I guess now I'm their land lord and they are my tenants.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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I've created something with alphabet soup and a laxitive. I call it Letter Rip.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Before crowbars were invented most crows drank at home.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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I developed a rash after receiving fluids at the hospital. The doctor said it was a poison IV.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Steamed a bucket of shellfish last night.
Strained myself getting them to the table.
Guess I pulled a mussel.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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If I hid firecracker
in your pancakes
would you blow
your stack?
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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I just saw some red-breasted birds outside enjoying the sun and selling ice cream.
I think they were basking robins.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Corona virus is turning me
into a democrat.
I'm staying home, complaining and waiting for a
government check.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Toilet paper alternative:
Spray Pam between your butt cheeks. The Poop won't stick.
Don't ask me how I know this...
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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This is why the government won't tell the truth about UFO's.
You idiots would panic and buy up all the aluminum foil.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Justice is best served cold.
If it were served warm
it would be justwater.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A mother was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He didn't want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe.
So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn't notice her. She said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.
The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew. She did this for the whole week.
As the two kids walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally she said to Timmy, 'Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?'
Timmy nonchalantly replied, 'Yeah, I know who she is.'
The little girl said, 'Well, who is she?'
'That's just Shirley Goodnest, 'Timmy replied, 'and her daughter Marcy.'
'Shirley Goodnest? Who is she and why is she following us?
'Well,' Timmy explained, 'every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much. And in the Psalm, it says, ' Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life', so I guess
I'll just have to get used to it!'
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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This is an incredible story of perseverance and the reward of hard work. Please take a minute to read it.
An anthropologist decides to document all of the worlds dances of all the worlds indigenous peoples. He and his team spend years traveling the globe recording each of the worlds unique dances. One fateful evening while dining another patron over hears him describing his life’s work. The patron says “You must travel to the remotest part of the Australian outback and record the Putcher dance performed by only one isolated group of indigenous peoples”. The anthropologist is intrigued and after some research they travel to the Australian out back to find this obscure group. The anthropologist approaches the tribal leader, he describes his work to document the worlds dances and asks if he can record the “Putcher Dance”. The tribal leader is excited “Yes we would be honored for you to record the Putcher dance but we only perform it once a year and we did it just yesterday, you will have to come back next year a day earlier”. The anthropologist is deflated but agrees. A year later the anthropologist arrives with his team and finds the tribal leader “I am here for the Putcher dance am I in time?” And the tribal leader says “oh yes we are excited to have you we are just about to begin”. The anthropologist and his team set up their cameras and recording equipment. Finally the last of all the worlds dances will have been recorded and the lifetime project will be complete. The people of the village gather in a huge circle. The cameras are rolling. The tribal leader steps to the center of the circle and raises his hands, gives a confidant nod to the cameras and he begins “You Putcher left foot in, you Putcher left foot out, you Putcher left foot in and you shake it all about.....”
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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