IIFID
Bond....Timmy Bond
Reged: 12/15/05
Posts: 8066
Loc: Nipawin, Saskatchewan
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I'm looking for assistance. I have a buddy who is turning 60 this week and need your best old age jokes to send him. I would like to send him several per day.
Here are two that I used so far:
Frank and Danny, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Frank didn't show up. Danny didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.
But after Frank hadn't shown up for a week or so, Danny really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Danny didn't know where Frank lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Danny figured he had seen the last of Frank, but one day, Danny approached the park and lo and behold! --there sat Frank!
Danny was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, "For crying out loud Frank, what in the world happened to you?"
Frank replied, "I've been in jail."
"Jail???" cried Danny. "What in the world for?"
"Well," Frank said, "you know Sue, that cute little red-headed waitress at the coffee shop where I go for lunch sometimes?"
"Yeah," said Danny, "I remember her. She is reaallly cute. What about her?"
"Well, one day she filed rape charges against me;" Frank replied "and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I plead guilty!"
Frank slowly shakes his head from side to side and continues, "The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury."
AND
Top 10 Signs You’re Over The Hill
1. When you sleep, people worry you’re dead.
2. Your back goes out more than you do.
3. Your best friend is dating someone half their age… and aren’t breaking any laws.
4. You wear black socks with sandals.
5. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
6. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
7. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
8. You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
9. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
10. You forgot that you already had your 50th birthday
Help a brutha out with a few more to fling at him!
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Thought for the day; “It’s impossible to think outside of the box when all you do is think about getting inside of the box.”
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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They are all here...
Old Geezer Jokes
Cut and paste to your hearts content. 
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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moduckdoc
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 2945
Loc: A porn site
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Get Foots and Mel on a road trip for a week and follow them around, that should give you plenty of material.
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Freedom it isn't free, but it is worth every drop
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Whackattack
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 2554
Loc: Farmington, Mo
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Quote:
moduckdoc said:
Get Foots and Mel on a road trip for a week and follow them around, that should give you plenty of material.
Dude, if Mel's material on here is any indication, I don't think I would want to have to live with the consequences of repeating some of his jokes. 
Edited by Whackattack (10/29/09 08:19 AM)
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RafeHollister
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 672
Loc: Webb City, MO
Current High Scores in:
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An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as it was on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing' it between her knees, but still nothing.The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
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Both how I'm livin' and my nose is large.
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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THE SECRET OF VIRILITY
Two very elderly men were having a conversation about sex.
Elmer says, "Yessir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!"
Leon replies, "You're kidding! I can't even manage to do it once! What's your secret?"
To which Elmer said, "Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread. I'm not kidding!"
So the second old man rushed to the store.
The clerk asks the old man, "May I help you?'
"Yes, I'd like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please," said Leon.
"That's a lot of bread! It's sure to get hard before you're done!" the clerk remarked.
Leon replies, "Damn! Does everyone know about this except me?"
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Two old drunks are sitting in a bar when the first one says:
'Ya know, when I was thirty and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it, even using both hands.
By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees if I tried really hard.
By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about twenty degrees, no problem.
I'm gonna be sixty next week, and now I can bend it in half with just one hand.'
'So,' says the second drunk, 'what's your point?'
'Well, I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!'
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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