IIFID
Bond....Timmy Bond
Reged: 12/15/05
Posts: 8066
Loc: Nipawin, Saskatchewan
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Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.
What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2:30 in the morning? They went clubbing.
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.
Ping just offered Elin Woods an endorsement contract pushing her own set of drivers. The clubs will be called “Elin Woods” ..."Clubs you can beat Tiger with."
Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family--his new name?: Cheetah
Since Tiger drives an Escalade, can he blame the accident on his caddy?
Hello Mister Woods this is the On Star operator we have detected that an angry person has put a golf club through your window, we are contacting Nike for a replacement club.
Heck who amongst us doesn't hear a car crash and immediately grab the closest golf club we can find??!!!
 
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Thought for the day; “It’s impossible to think outside of the box when all you do is think about getting inside of the box.”
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IIFID
Bond....Timmy Bond
Reged: 12/15/05
Posts: 8066
Loc: Nipawin, Saskatchewan
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And a couple more..
It has just been reported that Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife, Elin, to pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.
The police asked Elin how many times she hit him. She replied, "I don't know exactly, but put me down for a 5."
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Thought for the day; “It’s impossible to think outside of the box when all you do is think about getting inside of the box.”
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Whackattack
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 2554
Loc: Farmington, Mo
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What does Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common?
Both get clubbed by Scandanavians.
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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libertyfisher
member
Reged: 12/16/05
Posts: 5
Loc: Missouri
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How are Tiger Woods and Santa Claus different?
Santa stops after just three ho's
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Whackattack
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 2554
Loc: Farmington, Mo
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Swampfox, that pic is priceless!!1
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IIFID
Bond....Timmy Bond
Reged: 12/15/05
Posts: 8066
Loc: Nipawin, Saskatchewan
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Tiger Woods was being interviewed about his storied carreer and the announcer was trying to get him to say which golf course was the most difficult for him.
The announcer asked "Is it Augusta National?"
Tiger answered in the negative.
The announcer asked "Is it Torrey Pines?"
Once again Tiger answered in the negative.
The announcer asked "Is it the TPC then?"
Once again Tiger answered in the negative.
Frustrated the announcer asked "So what is the most difficult course for you."
Tiger thinks a while and finally answers "Intercourse."
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Thought for the day; “It’s impossible to think outside of the box when all you do is think about getting inside of the box.”
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her
grades. There is really nothing to do. All the kids are restless because
there is nothing to do and it is near the end of the day.
The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and
correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to
get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question".
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before
Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln". The teacher
said, "That's right Susie. You can go". Johnny was MAD. Susie answered
first.
The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could open
his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". The teacher said, "That's
right Mary. You can go". Johnny was even MADDER than before. Mary
answered first.
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for
you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy". The
teacher said, "That's right Nancy . You can go". Johnny was BOILING MAD.
Nancy answered first.
Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches
would keep their mouths shut".
The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny said, "TIGER WOODS! CAN I GO NOW?"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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JimDog
Freelance Gynecologist
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 208
Loc: Columbia
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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STTH
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 423
Loc: Turd Crick
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The Rev. Al Sharpton held a press conference today to blast Tiger Woods for the lack of diversity among his mistresses. Sharpton claims that the lack of African-American women among Woods harem will have a negative affect on the black community, specifically young black girls.
>
> Why is it that a man who calls himself black and can't bring himself to cheat on his wife with a black woman said Sharpton, speaking to a group of supporters in Harlem. What does it say to young black girls everywhere when you pass them over? Shame on you, Tiger Woods. What would your daddy say?
>
> Sharpton, who has long championed taking black women as mistresses, said that today's black athletes need to stop neglecting black women when it comes to extramarital affairs, and should follow the examples of positive black role models such as Jesse Jackson and Martin Luther King, Jr., both of whom cheated on their wives with black women. Sharpton also stressed that cheating with African-American women would help the black community financially by giving black girls the chance to sell their stories to tabloids and gossip magazines.
>
> Added Sharpton, I'm not asking you to not cheat on your wives, I'am just asking you to give back to your own community.
>
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Scout 1
New order Amish - not be confused with Meninite!
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6778
Loc: Where there are no ducks
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
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The Tiger Woods Commemorative Plate Collection
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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My newest guess at the game of Clue.
Mrs. Tiger Woods
With the golf club
In the SUV
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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What do Tiger Woods and the Beatles have in common?
......they both had a hit with " Norwegian Woods"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Now I understand...................
On his death bed, Earl Woods gave Tiger the following advice:
"Focus on golf. fork everything else."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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