SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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1. Money cannot buy happiness but somehow, it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes Benz than it is in a Hundai.
2. Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard’s name.
3. Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problem, but then neither does milk
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
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From a Teacher -- short and to the point.
In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, I've noticed that more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the art of capitalization.
For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement.
"Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse."
Is everybody clear on that?
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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EMPLOYEE NOTICE:
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement , thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much chit (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of chit they give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough chit, please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all the chit you can handle.
Sincerely, The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (EVIL)
PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity , gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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Not bad, not bad at all. 
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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