Cafeoutdoors.com: Feherty One Liners

For the uninformed, David Feherty is a golf analyst who also has his own show on the Golf Channer. A guy with a wry sense of humor. He's been a caddie and a touring pro. These are his one liners.Some of these are killers:

That shot is like a pimple in your nose: you can't figure out how to get to it, and you know it's going to hurt.

"Fortunately, he (Rory) is 22 years old so his right wrist should be the strongest muscle in his body."

"That ball is so far left, Lassie couldn't find it if it was wrapped in bacon."

"I am sorry Nick Faldo couldn't be here this week. He is attending the birth of his next wife."

Tommy Gainey's grip - "They look like two lobsters trying to mate."

"They don't do comedy at the Masters. The Masters, for me, is like holding onto a really big collection of gas for a week. It's like having my buttocks surgically clenched at Augusta General Hospital on Wednesday, and surgically unclenched on Monday on the way to Hilton Head."

Jim Furyk's swing - "It looks like an octopus falling out of a tree."

"He's (Luke Donald) a bloody walking ATM. I slid my AmEx between the cheeks of his ass and out popped $500."

Describing VJ's prodigious practice regime - "VJ hits more balls than Elton John's chin."

"That's a great shot with that swing."

"It's ok - the bunker stopped it."

At Augusta 2011 - "It's just a glorious day. The only way to ruin a day like this would be to play golf on it."

"That was a great shot - if they'd put the pin there today."

"All you need for a happy life is good health and a bad memory"

"Everything moves except his bowels."

"Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff."

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Member DU, Delta

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy