SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Everything you always want to know about.... heck, just watch it.
Vagina Power - Atlanta Public Access Television
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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I never had much luck with the ladies.
One night I went in to a bar and ordered 7 shots of Jack Black.
The bartender poured the shots and I proceeded to pour the drinks on my hand.
Bartender asked me what I was doing.
I replied,,getting my date drunk!!!
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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The Wesson wrasseling chicks are back in a longer version.
Not Kid Or Work safe
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Free Porn Site
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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The wife says to her husband,honey,lets go to the motel where we got married 40 years ago.
The husband says sure. So they drive across the state, sure enough the motel is still there.
She goes in and comes back out with the key to the same room that they spent their honeymoon in. The wife goes into the bathroon and comes out with a short nightie on. The husband is sitting on the end of the bed.
She gets on the bed and spreads her legs and says" honey here it is".
The husband looks up and starts crying.
She says "Whats wrong?"
The husband says "40 years ago, I loved to eat that. Now it looks like it wants to eat me!
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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Two cowboys were leanin' up against the rail at their favorite bar.... They're tired and worn out from along day. Havin a couple of longnecks, just relaxin' and talking, watchin' the women go by...
This really beautiful brunette walks by, and the two cowboys look at her, tip their hats back a little, look at each other, smile, and one of them says, "I'll give her a 3."
The other cowboy nods slowly, and says, "Yep. She's a 3 for sure."
Little while later another woman, this time a fantastic lookin redhead, comes walkin by in front of them...
First cowboy looks her up and down, smiles, takes a sip from his beer, and says to the second cowboy, "Well, I thinkthat one must be a 4." The second cowboy agrees and says, "Yep... she sure is a 4."
Time passes on, and the cowboys are still sippin' theirbeers, just watchin' folks pass. And across the room comes this absolutely gorgeous, drop-dead beautiful blonde.... As she comes near them, they both kind a straighten up, and tip their hats back a little for a better look. First cowboy smiles real wide, looks at his pal and says, "Damnnn! That one has GOT to be a 6."
The second cowboy nods slowly, grins, and says, "Yep. DEFINITELY a 6."
Well, the woman hears them.. and she is NOT amused...
She turns around real sharply and comes right up to thetwo grinning cowboys... She looks the first one in the eye and says, "Excuse me. But are you two actually standing there rating women?!?"
The cowboys look kind a embarrassed. .. lookin' down at their boots, and they both nod. One of them says, "Well, yes ma'am, we are, but you don't understand...."
She is REALLY mad now... and looks at the cowboy and says, "Well, I'll have you know I've been rated far higher than that by far better than YOU."
And the second cowboy says, "But, ma'am, you really don't understand!"
And she says, "Well. What is it I don't understand. Here you are, rating women. I understand THAT!."
And the first cowboy says, "But ma'am, we use a different kind a rating system....."
The blonde, says, "Oh. And what would THAT be? No one has EVER rated me a SIX before!"
And the second cowboy says, "Well, we use the Budweiser method, ma'am."
So she asks, "What the hell is the Budweiser method?"
And the first cowboy smiles, looks at her and says, reeeeal slowly, "Well ma'am, that's how many Clydesdales it would take to pull you off my face."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A man shouted to his wife, "Come here and look at my clock!"
She walks in and finds him naked with a hard-on.
She says, 'That's not a clock!"
He says, "It will be when you put two hands and a face on it."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy.
There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.
She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.
I honestly answered, 'No, this is my first time'
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it
was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to
see if it was empty. It was empty.
'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back
room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.
'Do these excite you?' she asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said, it was time to slip the condom
on As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.
'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'
So I climbed on her.
It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW. I was done within a few minutes.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on?' she asked. I said, 'I sure did,' and
held up my thumb to show her.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A couple were on their honeymoon, lying in bed, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, 'I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin.'
The husband replies, 'That's no big thing in this day and age.'
The wife continues, 'Yeah, I've been with one guy.'
'Oh yeah? Who was the guy?'
'Tiger Woods.'
'Tiger Woods the golfer?'
'Yeah' .'Well he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.'
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
'What are you doing?' asks his wife.
The husband says, 'I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food.'
'Tiger wouldn't do that!' she claims.
'Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?'
'He'd come back to bed and do it a second time.'
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
'What are you doing?' she asks.
The husband says, 'I'm still hungry so I was going to call room service to get some food.'
'Tiger wouldn't do that,' again she claims.
'Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?'
'He'd come back to bed and do it a third time.'
The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife a third time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, 'Are you calling room service?'
'No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this hole!'
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
The middle-aged wife had just returned to the house on Saturday afternoon after a shopping trip. She was quite agitated, and proceeded to tell her husband about a certain shoe salesman who had been rude.
It seems she was sitting down while he helped her try on various shoes, and happened to glance up and notice that she was not wearing any knickers under her dress. Without even thinking, he just blurted out, "If that thing was full of ice cream, I'd eat every bite."
Well, she was understandably insulted, and now wanted to know what her husband was going to do about it.
The husband just sat there, watching football on TV, and grunted. The wife became hysterical, and insisted on knowing why he didn't go down to the shop and punch the rude salesman right in the nose.
"Well", the husband replied, "There are three reasons I won't punch that guy in the nose. First of all, you shouldn't have even been shopping for shoes, since you have a whole wardrobe full of them. Secondly, you have no business going shopping with no knickers on. But most of all, I'm not going to punch anyone who's big enough to eat that much ice cream!"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
A college student goes to the school therapist.
During the session, the therapist asks, "How is your sex life?"
"I have a lot of issues with sex," the student replies.
"What kind of issues?" the therapist asks.
"Oh, mostly Hustler and Penthouse..."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
An illegal immigrant picks up a hooker.
"Hey, how much you charge for one hour, sister?" he asks.
"$100," she replies.
With a heavy accent he says "Do you do Immigrant Style?"
"No" she says.
"I pay you $200 to do Immigrant Style."
"No", she says, not knowing what Immigrant Style is.
"I pay you $300."
"No", she says.
"I pay you $400."
"No", she says.
So finally he say, "OK, I pay $1,000 to do Immigrant Style."
She thinks, "Well, I"ve been in the game for over 10 year now.
I"ve had every kind of request from weirdos from every part of the world." How bad could Immigrant Style be? So she agrees and has sex with him. They do it in every kind of way.
Finally, after several hours, they finish.
Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, "Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was good. So what exactly is "Immigrant Style"?
The illegal immigrant replies, "You send bill to Government."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
A guy's driving down a country road when he comes upon a sign saying "Apples - $5.00 each." He thinks that that is a lot of money so he decides to go see what's up.
He goes up to the farmer and says, "Hey, how come these apples are 5 bucks each?" The farmer replies, "They are peanut butter and jelly apples." The farmer hands him one and says, "Here, try one."
So the man takes a bite out of the apple and says, "Peanut butter - that's great, but I thought you said that they were peanut butter and jelly apples."
The farmer tells the man to turn it around. The man bites the other side and exclaims "son of a gun - jelly!" The man says, "These apples are great - give me some!"
He gets back in his car and drives a little further down the road and then sees another sign "Apples - $10 each." Again, he pulls over, goes to the farmer and says, "Hey, what's up with these apples?"
The farmer says, "They're ham and cheese apples. Here, try one."
The guy takes a bit and exclaims, "Son of a gun - ham!" The guy then says, "Let me guess - I have to turn it around."
The farmer says "You got it." The guy bites the other side and says, "Cheese." Again the man says, "These apples are great - give me some."
Then he gets back in his car and drives down the road. He comes upon a third sign that says "Apples - $50 each." The guy really wants to see what's up with these apples. Again, he pulls over, goes up to the farmer and says, "What's the deal with these apples? 50 bucks each?"
The farmer tells him that "These apples are beardedclam apples. Here, try one."
The guy takes a bite out of it and says, "Yuck! This apple tastes like sh*t!"
The farmer says, "Turn it around!"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
|
SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
|
|
We were at a hunting cabin down south this spring. It's out in the middle of a thousand acreas of woods, over a mile from the blacktop, no phone, no cell coverage, no internet, no satellite..... just guns, liquor and ammo....what could go wrong there. Electronic deversions consist of a 12" tv/vcr combo and a bunch of kids movies from the 90's.
There's a ton of reading material laying around and to get out of the sun, I dragged a box of old magazines (not M A G A Z I N E S ) out on the covered porch where we were setting around drinking beers. One of the guys brought his 18 year old boy along.....we let him have a couple beers and he was feeling it. He starts pawing through the box of old magazines and finds a Playboy from 1978. His Dad raises and eyebrow but decides not to say anything to see how this plays out.....afterall, we need some entertainment. The kid start paging thru the Playboy and gets to the centerfold, holds it open in the classic fashion and gets this sick look on his face. Dad says "What's wrong boy...ain't cha never seen a naked woman?" Kid says "Chit Dad, I've been looking a Tiajuana Donkey Dance porn on the Internet since I was twelve.....but I've never seen a box as hairy as this....what was wrong with wimmen back then?"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7970
Loc: Mid Mo
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A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation. She was awake, so he examined her. "You'll be fine," he said.
She asked,"How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl,"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied,"Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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