Cafeoutdoors.com: Duck Blind Jokes

Doctor hunting Ducks

There are five doctors going duck hunting at their new club they just acquired. They were: General Practioner, Pediatrician, Physiatrist, Surgeon and a Pathologist.
The first duck is spotted by the GP; he stands to shoot, hesitates and before you know it the duck was gone. He says "I was not sure that was a duck, I guess I needed a second option"
The second duck is spied by the Pede and he is certain it is a duck but does not shoot. "How come you did not shoot" asks the surgeon. "I couldn't help but wonder if that duck had babies somewhere".
The third bird flies in and the Phsyc quickly identifies it as a duck. Now he knows it is a duck and that it is in season but he hesitates because he is not sure if the duck knows he is a duck. By then the bird was gone.
The fourth bird comes sailing over the decoys and the surgeon jumps up with a single shot and crumples the bird into a fall. As it splashes the water the surgeon turns to the pathologist and says "Go see if that was a duck will ya?"

Who is the Boss?

A retiring farmer wanted to give away his remaining stock and decided to give it to the local people on a basis of whether it was the man or the woman that was the boss of the house. For the men bosses he would give away a horse, for the women bosses he would give them a duck.
He goes to the first house asks the man "Who is the boss around here?" To which the man replied "I am". "What color horse would you like to have black or brown" the farmer asked. The man replies "The black one". To which his wife yells out the window "NO NO NO take the brown one". The farmer says "here is your duck".

Duck Farming

This elderly city gentleman retires from his job as a policeman, He is kinda crotchity and has an opinion about everything, but in truth he knows nothing about raising ducks only hunting them. He has decided to become a duck farmer. So he buys this beautiful farm in the bottoms to raise his ducks. After moving he realized that his neighbor was a duck farmer as well. Being neighborly and all the new neighbor decides to help out the old gentleman and gives him 100 ducks to start off his duck farming.
A couple of weeks later the neighbor comes by to check on the new duck farmer and comes to discover that all of the 100 ducks he has given the old guy have died. So he gives him 100 more ducks.
About a month passes when they bump into each other in town and the neighbor asks how the second batch of ducks did. The old man replied "They all died too, I just can not figure it out. I don't know if I am planting them too deep or too close together".

A duck on a plane

A man sits down in his seat straps himself in, only to look to his left and see a duck strapped into the seat next to him. He asks the stewardess about the duck and she replies ?I am told he is a special duck that can talk, can I get you something to drink?" "I would like a coffee" he replies. The duck yells out "I want a whiskey you fat cow and make it a double". The Stewardess most distressed goes off and returns with the whiskey, but no coffee.
**** coffee and I want it now, femaledog!" She runs off crying, Then two men from the cockpit come and yank both the duck and the man out of their seats take them to the back of the plane and throw them out. As they fall the duck says "You sure are cocky for a guy that can't fly".

Two hunters from Michigan--(true story) This is from a radio program, a true report of an incident in Michigan.

A guy buys a brand new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500 and has $560 in monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting in winter, and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the lake with the guns, the dog, and the new vehicle.
They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on.
In order to make a hole large enough to look like something to a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it is going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill.
So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse. Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and the new Navigator), because they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the burning fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast.

They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite. Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the guns and the dog?
Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING. Especially things thrown by the owner.

You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream, wave their arms and wonder what to do now.
The dog, cheered on, keeps coming. One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots the poor hapless dog. The shotgun is loaded with # 8 birdshot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab.
The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, but continues on.
Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinking these two geniuses have gone insane.

The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator.
----BOOM!---- Dog and Navigator are blown to bits and sink to the bottom of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces.
The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not covered. He still had yet to make the first of those $560 a month payments!
And you thought your day was not going well?

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