Cafeoutdoors.com: Redneck Eddiecat

I'm shore that everyone on hera knows these but...

Subject: Redneck highgene eddiecat

1. Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item.
2. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
3. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the tastes of finger foods.
5. Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save hours. Its a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this method

Subject: Entertainin' in Your Trailer
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table... no matter how good his manners are.
3. Be considerate of your guests. Point out in advance where the injury-threatening springs are located on the sofa.
4. If your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have the decency to leave them alone for a few minutes.

Subject: Redneck Drivin'eddiekat
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6. Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in.

Subject: Redneck Tips for All Occasions
1. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
2. Never take a beer to a job interview and don't ask them if they press charges.
3. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
4. Always say "Excuse me" after getting sick in someone else's car.
5. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
6. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it's considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
7. The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets, especially if other people are around.
8. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
9. Always provide an alibi to the police for a family member.

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Thought for the day; “It’s impossible to think outside of the box when all you do is think about getting inside of the box.”