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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: Mel]
      #46472 - 07/02/06 05:09 AM

A senior citizens' group charters a bus from Burlington, Iowa to Branson, Missouri. Along the way, an elderly woman comes up to the driver and says, "I've just been molested!" The driver felt that she had fallen
asleep and had a dream. So he tells her to go back to her seat and sit down.

A short time later, another old woman comes forward, and claims that she was just molested. The driver thought he had a bus load of old whackos, but who would be molesting those old ladies?

About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she'd been molested too. The bus driver decides that he'd had enough and pulls into the first rest area. When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.

Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?" asked the bus driver.

I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I grab it, it runs away!"

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: SwampFox]
      #46473 - 07/02/06 05:10 AM

An elderly retired Marine fighter pilot moved into a retirement community where good looking eligible men were at a premium. After he had been there for a week, he went to confession and said, " Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Last week I was with seven different women."

The priest replied, "Take seven lemons, squeeze them into a glass and drink the juice without pausing."

"Will that cleanse me of my sins, Father?"

"No," said the priest, "but it will wipe that chit-eatin' grin off your face."

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Mel
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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: SwampFox]
      #46512 - 07/02/06 09:54 PM

Sounds just like a typical gyrene.

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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy


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foots
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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: Mel]
      #46527 - 07/03/06 01:07 AM



--------------------
I was born kicking, screaming, and covered in someone elses blood. I have no problem goin out the same way.


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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: foots]
      #47081 - 07/08/06 03:46 AM

Recent Walmart Work Application


-This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas.




They hired him because he was so funny.....


NAME: Jack Buckley (Grumpy Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever is available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place?

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:

Oh yes, absolutely.

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: SwampFox]
      #47149 - 07/09/06 04:31 PM

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."
"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: SwampFox]
      #47907 - 07/14/06 06:47 PM

I think the life cycle is all backwards

You should start out dead and get it out of the way.

Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.

You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School.

You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then...

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then, you finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: SwampFox]
      #48291 - 07/18/06 06:17 PM

Three old Ladies named Gertrude, Maude, and Tilly were sitting on a park
bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across
the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them
and opened his trench coat.

Gertrude immediately had a stroke.


Then Maude also had a stroke.


But Tilly, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: SwampFox]
      #48680 - 07/21/06 04:24 PM

A guy shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. She finally passed him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son." He answered, "That's okay." "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."



She then went through the checkout...and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mother." The little old lady waved and smiled back at him. Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries. "That comes to $121.85," said the clerk. "How come so much?! I only bought 5 items.." The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd pay for her things, too."


NEVER TRUST LITTLE OLD LADIES

--------------------
Thought for the day; “It’s impossible to think outside of the box when all you do is think about getting inside of the box.”





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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: SwampFox]
      #49665 - 07/28/06 03:30 AM

Subject: Fw: Living Wills

Ever since the Terry Schiavo debacle there has been an increase of living wills from 10,000 a year to 40,000. This is a form for the New Living Will.

I think this is the best living will form that I've seen, it's easy to understand, and it makes perfect sense as a well. It will help cut the paper work.

I, _________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

______a Bloody Mary,

______a Margarita

______a Bud Light

______a Martini

______a Vodka and Tonic

______a Hamburger

______Lobster or crab legs

______The remote control

______Chocolate

______ Ice Cream

______Sex

It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Mel
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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: SwampFox]
      #49728 - 07/28/06 12:35 PM

You left one out.........

_______My Laptop Computer

--------------------
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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy


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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: SwampFox]
      #52181 - 08/11/06 02:01 PM

A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony.
On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.
The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, Did you call for me?"
The man replied, "No, what do you mean?"
She said, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she lead him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel, eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.

Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted.
Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him. "Did you call for me?" asked the hairy man.
"No, what do you mean?" replied the newcomer.
"You must be new." answered the hairy man, "It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.

The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she asked.
"Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee."
"But, Sir," she replied, "you've only been here a few hours You haven't had a chance to see all our facilities."

"Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day.

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Mel
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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: SwampFox]
      #52190 - 08/11/06 02:16 PM

And you wonder where I get my stuff after this????

--------------------
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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy


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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: Mel]
      #52383 - 08/13/06 01:31 PM

A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties).

The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: SwampFox]
      #54294 - 08/24/06 04:10 AM

**RETIREES**



*And they ask me why I like retirement. . .?*


*Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday.*


*Question: When is a retiree's bed time?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees are needed to change a l ight bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.*


*Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.*


*Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.*


*Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.*


*Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.*


*Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!*


*Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.*


*Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.*

**Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?***
**Answers: The never ending coffee break.***


*Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.*


*Question: Why does a retiree often say he does not miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.*

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: SwampFox]
      #55382 - 08/29/06 01:40 PM

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in His son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.

The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive". "How much?" asked Grandpa. "$ 10.00 a pill," answered the son.

"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the Money under the pillow."

Later the next morning, the son found $110.00 under the pillow he called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00 "

"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma."

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: SwampFox]
      #57870 - 09/13/06 04:07 AM

Four retired guys, two from California and two from Arizona,are walking down a street in Chicago.

Then they turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timer's Bar" "ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS!"

They look at each other, and then go in.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you. What'll it be Gentlemen?"

There seems to be a fully stocked bar, so the 4 men each asked for a martini.

In short order, the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please."

They can't believe their good luck.

They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.

Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please."

They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand.

They've each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar.

Finally one of the men couldn't stand it any longer and asks the bartender, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?"

"Here's my story. I'm a retired tailor from Brooklyn, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime - wine, liquor, beer, all the same."

"Wow!! That's quite a story," says one of the men.

The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.

One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender says, "They're seniors from Florida. They're waiting for happy hour."

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: SwampFox]
      #60811 - 09/29/06 06:01 AM

Rev. W. O. Taylor, 91, was the oldest man attending the Southern Baptist Convention a few years ago. At the annual free breakfast for retirees, Brother Taylor rose and recited his own alliterative version of the parable of the prodigal son, which he entitled "The Final Fixing of the Foolish Fugitive":

"Feeling footloose, fancy-free, and frisky, this feather-brained fellow finagled his fond father into forking over his fortune. Forthwith, he fled for foreign fields and frittered his farthings feasting fabulously with fair-weather friends. Finally, facing famine, and fleeced by his fellows in folly, he found himself a feed flinger in a filthy farmlot. He fain would have filled his frame with foraged food from the fodder fragments.

"'Fooey! My father's flunkies fare far fancier,' the frazzled fugitive fumed feverishly, frankly facing fact.

"Frustrated from failure and filled with forebodings, he fled for his family.

"Falling at his father's feet, he floundered forlornly. 'Father, I have flunked and fruitlessly forfeited further family favors. . .'

"But the faithful father, forestalling further flinching, frantically flagged his flunkies to fetch forth the finest fatling and fix a feast.

"But the fugitive's fault-finding frater, faithfully farming his father's fields for free, frowned at this fickle forgiveness of former falderal. His fury flashed, but fussing was futile.

"His foresighted father figured, 'Such filial fidelity is fine, but what forbids fervent festivities? The fugitive is found! Unfurl the flags! With fanfare flaring, let fun, frolic, and frivolity flow freely, former failures forgotten and folly forsaken. Forgiveness forms a firm foundation for future fortitude.'"

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Mel
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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: SwampFox]
      #61004 - 09/29/06 08:52 PM

Fock, that funny, fanciful, farce is full of Fs!!!

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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy


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MB2
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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: Mel]
      #62079 - 10/05/06 07:22 AM


DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN...?

All the girls had ugly gym uniforms?

It took five minutes for the TV warm up?

Nearly everyone's Mom, was at home when the kids got home from school?

Nobody owned a purebred dog?

When a quarter was a DECENT allowance?

You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?

Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?

All your male teachers wore neckties, and female teachers had their hair done every day and wore high heels?

The BEST Grad of Gasoline was called Ethyl, and was 104 Octane LEADED and cost 30 "CENT'S" a Gallon....That's "30 CENT'S" a GALLON!!!

You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, all for FREE, every time! And you didn't pay for "Air"! you got trading stamps to boot?

Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box?

It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents?

They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they FAILED a Grade....and they did it!

When a '57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady?

No one ever asked where the car keys were,
because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?

Lying on your back in the grass with your friends
and saying things like, "That cloud looks like a....?"

Playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game?

Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals, because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger?

With all our progress, don't you just wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace, and share it with the children of today?

When being sent to the principal's office was NOTHING compared to the Terrible Fate, that awaited the student when DAD got home?

Basically, we were in fear for our lives,
but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.

Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat!

But, we survived because their love was greater than the threat.

Who can still rememberNancy Drew, the Hardy Boys, Laurel and Hardy,Howdy Dowdy and the Peanut Gallery, the Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows,
Nellie Bell, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk.

As well as summers filled with bike rides, baseball games,Hula Hoops, bowling and visits to the municipal pool, and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar.

Going to the Movie's for the Saturday triple Matinee, cost $1.50

Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, "Yeah, I remember that"?

I am sharing this with you today, because it ended with a double dog dare to pass it on.
To remember what a double dog dare is, read on.
And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between, old enough to know better and too young to care.

How many of these do you remember?

Candy cigarettes.
Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside.
Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles.
Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes.
Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum.
Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers.
Newsreels before the movie.
P.F. Fliers.

Telephone numbers with a word prefix...(Raymond 4-601) and Party lines.

Peashooters.
Howdy Dowdy.
45 RPM records.
Green Stamps.
Hi-Fi's.

Metal ice cubes trays with levers.
Mimeograph paper.
Beanie and Cecil.
Roller-skate keys.
Cork pop guns.
Drive ins.
Studebakers......

Washtub wringers.
The Fuller Brush Man.
Reel-To-Reel tape recorders.
Tinkertoys.
Erector Sets.
The Fort Apache Play Set.
Lincoln Logs.
15 cent McDonald hamburgers.

5 cent packs of baseball cards-with that awful pink slab of bubble gum that tasted like Pink Chalk.

Penny candy.

Jiffy Pop popcorn.

Do you remember a time when...
Decisions were made by going "Eeny-meeny-miney-moe"?

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do Over!"?
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest?

Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening?
It wasn't odd to have two or three "Best Friends"?

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was...."Cooties"?

Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot?

A foot of snow was a dream come true?

Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute commercials for action figures?

"Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense?

Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles?

The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team?

War was a card game?

Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?

Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin?

Water balloons were the....ULTIMATE weapon?

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived....and your OVER 40 Year's Old!


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STTH
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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: MB2]
      #62122 - 10/05/06 12:02 PM

Thanks for the memories Mrs. B, to bad most of that is gone for ever.

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Mel
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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: STTH]
      #62218 - 10/05/06 06:06 PM

Does it mean you are really old if you remember every single one of them? I know, I know,............ but...............hmmmm................er..................what was the question?

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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy


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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: Mel]
      #64088 - 10/17/06 04:42 AM

An old couple, high school sweethearts married for 60 years, rocking on the porch twiddling their canes. She reaches over and cracks him on the shins.
"WHAT THE HECK IS THAT FOR?"
"That's for 60 years of bad sex."
A couple of minutes later he cracks her on the shins.
"WHAT IS THAT FOR??"
"That's for knowing the difference."

--------------------
"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."


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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: SwampFox]
      #64977 - 10/22/06 10:57 AM

Them Times

I sat with them many evenings
around their kitchen table in High Bank.
They seemed to me an ancient folk,
like persons from a different age --
which they were.

As the conversation began to flow
I became a time traveller
for these people had first-hand knowledge
of a disappeared era.
With their stories
and talk
they beckoned me back,
back to a world the called
"them times."

Back to a time
of rising with the sun,
planting by the moon,
and living off the land.

Back to a time of small fields and hedgerows,
quilts stretched out in frames,
barrels held together with hoops,
wheels circumscribed by iron rims,
and communities bounded by custom.

Back to a time
of water raised from a well,
mussel mud lifted from the river bottom,
soup ladled from the stock pot,
and humour extracted from predicament.

Back to a time
of banning the automobile,
prohibiting liquor,
resisting Daylight Savings Tim,
and guarding against extravagance.

Back to a time
of winding the winch for water,
pumping the organ for sound,
cranking the car for power,
and rocking the cradle for peace.

Back to a time
of manners,
morals,
church every Sunday,
and a rum bottle stashed in the grain bin.

Back to a time
of egg money in a cracked cup,
savings deposited in a sock,
a shiny quarter in the baby's hand,
and large brown pennies
on dead men's eyes.

Back to a time
of old men in new cars,
and new brides in old kitchens.

Back to a time
of winters without eggs,
Lent without meat,
workers without watches,
doctors without pills,
birthdays without presents,
weddings without honeymoons,
funerals without undertakers,
bedrooms without closets,
deals without signatures,
children without shoes,
women without choices,
and men without tears.

Back to a time of squaring fieldstone for foundations,
squaring logs for carrying beams,
squaring butter for barter,
and squaring opinion for acceptance.

Back to a time
of the spectre of debt,
the scourge of blight,
the plague of tuberculosis.
And the epidemic of guilt.

Back to a time
when a 'chain' was the measure of your property,
a 'skein' the measure of your yarn,
a 'teddy' the measure of your moonshine,
a 'grist' the measure of your grain,
and 'industry' the measure of your character.

Back to a time
of kittens in the barn,
chickens on the step,
rats under the barracks,
a runt piglet behind the kitchen stove,
and a 'buffalo' in the sleight.

Back to a time
of picking stones off the land,
mustard out of the oats,
bugs off the potatoes,
and burdocks out of the fleece.

Back to a time
of home remedies:
tansy tea,
sulphur and molasses tonic,
the mustard plaster,
kerosene in a spoon,
salt herring in your socks,
and cobwebs to stop the bleeding.

Back to a time
of separating cream from milk,
chaff from grain,
and Protestants from Catholics.

Back to a time
of free-range ducks in the yard,
and foraging visits
house to house
of the local gossip.

Back to a time
of following tradition,
following horses,
following politics,
and following in your parents' footsteps.

Back to a time
of the coming of the car,
the arrival of the tractor,
the installing of the lights,
the ringing in the telephone,
the intrusion of the radio,
the infiltration of new ideas,
the dying out of storytelling,
and
the beginning of the end
of "them times."


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Re: Old Geezer Jokes [Re: MB2]
      #65149 - 10/23/06 04:03 PM

MissBud - Yep, that's about right.

I grew up in the Missouri Ozarks at a time when the young people had mostly left. The little towns were full of old men who wore white shirts with their overalls and straw hats on Sundays, and spent their Saturdays with the "spit and whittle club" on the square.

I was close with all my grandparents, and they were all born in the 19th century. They were still intensely concerned with the Civil War (one family was Yankee, the other was rebel), and they were still offended by the excesses of the 1920's. One grandma just didn't trust cars with glass windows ("cut yer head off if there was a wreck").

Modern times have been a helluva adjustment for me, one that I haven't entirely made yet.


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