MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u_2bGPdUY
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
The instructor continues, "Gentlemen, remember - you're in this together.
It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this piece of information.
After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" said the instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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MB2
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5722
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An elderly couple are playing together in the annual golf club championship.
The game has ended up in a play off hole, and everytrhing rides on a 6 inch putt that the wife has to make.
Aware of how critical the this final putt is, she takes her stance, and her husband can see her trembling.
Well the wife putts, the ball sails clear past the hole, and the couple lose the match.
On the way home in the car, it's obvious from the atmosphere that her husband is not happy, in fact he is fuming,
"I cannot believe that you missed that simple putt!" he said to his wife. "That putt was no longer than my dick."
The wife just looked over at her husband, smiled and said, "Yes dear, but it was much harder!"
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Don't mind me.....I just played 9 holes with 2 guys half my age. 
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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A Scottish Jew decided to retire and take up golf,
so he applied for membership at a local golf club.
About a week later he received a letter that his application has been rejected.
He went to the club to inquire as to why.
Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?
Scot: Aye, but I am as Scottish as you are, ma'am, my name is MacTavish.
Secretary: Do you know that on formal occasions we wear a kilt?
Scot: Aye, I do know, and I wear a kilt too.
Secretary: You are also aware, that we wear nothing under the kilt?
Scot: Aye, and neither do I.
Secretary: Are you also aware, that the members sit naked in the steam room?
Scot: Aye, I also do the same.
Secretary: But you are a Jew?
Scot: Aye, I be that.
Secretary: So, being Jewish, you are circumcised, is that correct?
Scot: Aye, I be that, too.
Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable sitting
in the steam room with you, since your privates are different from theirs.
Scot: Ach, I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen.
And I know that you have to be a Catholic to join the Knights of Columbus.
But this is the first time I've heard that you have to be a complete Prick to join a Golf Club!
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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This is hilarious.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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Video: Rory VS the Robot
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball.
"Don't you have at least one other golf ball?" he asked.
The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one.
"Are you sure?" the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?"
The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one."
"Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?"
"That's okay," he replied, "This special golf ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it."
"Well what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?"
The other guy replied, "That's okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back - no problem."
Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?"
"No problem." says the other guy, "You see, this ball is florescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark."
Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"
The other guy replies, "I found it."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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wuchang
spiritual advisor and gatekeeper to the Spirit World
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5281
Loc: uphill
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good one--
passing it on to a friend that has a notorious cheap golfer for a friend
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Bubba
strangesly aroused
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 3828
Loc: Lemmingstan
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God Bless our Troops!
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Ozark
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 4012
Loc: out in the woods
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It seems there were golfers like me, even long before me. I found this recording from 1927 - you gotta listen to the words.
Donald the Dub
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Arab were sitting having a chat.
Englishman: If I have one more son, I will have 11, my own soccer team.
Scotsman: If I have one more son, I will have 15, my own rugby team.
Arab: If I have one more wife, it will have my own golf course!
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 3-iron, standing over a lifeless man.
The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?
"Yes" says the woman.
"Did you hit him with that golf club?
"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, dropping the club and putting her hands on her face.
"How many times did you hit him?
"I don't know -- put me down for a five."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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wuchang
spiritual advisor and gatekeeper to the Spirit World
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 5281
Loc: uphill
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Quote:
SwampFox said:
Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 3-iron, standing over a lifeless man.
The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?
"Yes" says the woman.
"Did you hit him with that golf club?
"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, dropping the club and putting her hands on her face.
"How many times did you hit him?
"I don't know -- put me down for a five."
If Miss Bud still shows up at this dump---she ought to steal that one  
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7973
Loc: Mid Mo
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During his vacation at Martha's Vineyard - President Obama had been slicing off the tee on every hole.
He asks his Scottish caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons for his poor tee shots, to which the caddy replies:
"Aye, there's a piece of shyt on the end of yer driver."
The President picks up his driver and cleans the club face, at which point the caddy says: "No, the other end."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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