Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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OMG!!!! 
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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John was a minister who neglected his congregational duties on opening weekend to go deer hunting. While out hunting, he stopped to take a break when suddenly he was confronted by the largest, meanest looking bear he had ever seen.
The bear stood and advanced on him, popping it's jaws and snarling. In his fear, John emptied his rifle without hitting the bear. Dropping the gun, he turned and ran as fast as he could in a vain attempt to outrun the bear. John ran up to the edge of a very steep cliff.
John was terrified and knew he was going to be attacked. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, John got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear Lord! Please give this bear some RELIGION!"
The skies darkened and a bolt of lightning flashed. Just a few feet short of John, the bear came to abrupt stop and glanced around, somewhat confused. He seemed to become very calm. Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky, put his paws together, bent his head, and said "Thank you, Lord, for the food I'm about to receive."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with "WWJD" printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but couldn't figure it out, so he asked the clerk.
The clerk replied that the letters stood for What Would Jesus Do, and was meant to inspire people to not make rash decisions, but rather to imagine what Jesus would do in the same situation.
The man thought a moment and then replied, "Well, I'm damn sure Jesus wouldn't pay $17.95 for one of these caps."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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The founder of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "You've been a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world. Your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and God recognized Arthur and commented, "So you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycles, eh?"
Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me..."
God commented, "Well, what's the big deal about inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?"
Arthur was embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Ah, yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "Professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention: There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion; It chatters constantly at high speeds; Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much; The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust; And the maintenance costs are outrageous!"
Hmmmm, you may have some good points there, "replied God, "hold on."
God went to his Celestial super-computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will send you one miracle."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says 'nothing's wrong,' and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And, who was the woman you were with?"
"Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend church for three months. Be off with you now."
Tommy walks back to his pew.
His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Three month's vacation and five good leads," says Tommy.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
Edited by SwampFox (01/15/07 02:36 PM)
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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An Irish Priest was driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, you have been drinking!"
"Just Water" says the priest.
The trooper asks, "then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night, the cock went missing!
The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village, so he started to question his parishioners in Church the next morning.
During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"
All the men stood up.
No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"
All the women stood up.
No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"
Half the women stood up.
No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?"
Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave-side service for a homeless man, with no family or friends, who had died while traveling through the area.
The funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there. As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost; and being a typical man did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late.
I saw the backhoe and the crew, who was eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight. I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped to the side of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do.
The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured out my heart and soul. As I preached the workers began to say "Amen," "Praise the Lord," and "Glory," I preached, and I preached, like I'd never preached before: from Genesis all the way to Revelations. I closed the lengthy service with a prayer and walked to my car. I felt I had done my duty for the homeless man and that the crew would leave with a renewed sense of purpose and dedication, in spite of my tardiness.
As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, "I ain't never seen anything like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God's HOLY WORD, but that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to rassle. We rassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in Fellowship, feasting on God's Holy Word, and praising the Lord."
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in reallllllly bad shape.
The rabbi looks up and says, "You fellows don't even know what trouble is until you try to circumcise a bear."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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On a Saturday afternoon, in Washington, D.C., Senator John Kerry's campaign manager visited the cardinal of the Catholic cathedral. He told the cardinal that John Kerry would be attending the the next day's sermon, and he asked if the cardinal would kindly point out Kerry to the
congregation and say a few words that would include calling Kerry a saint.
The cardinal replied, "No. I don't really like the man, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic church over certain of Kerry's views."
Kerry's manager then said, "Look, I'll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your church if you'll just tell the congretation
you see Kerry as a saint."
The cardinal thought about it and said, "Well the church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon."
As Kerry's manager promised, Senator Kerry appeared for the Sunday sermon and seated himself prominently at the edge of the main aisle.
And during the sermon, as promised, the cardinal pointed out that Senator Kerry was present. Then the cardinal went on to explain to the
congregation, "While Senator Kerry's presence was probably an honor to some, he is not my favorite person. Some of his views are contrary to
those of the church, and he tends to flip-flop on many other views. I could never again trust the man after he turned on his buddies in Viet Nam.
He also has a reputation for shirking his senatorial obligations both here, in Washington, and in Massachusetts. He simply isn't to be trusted."
The cardinal completed his view of Kerry with,
"But, when compared to Senator Ted Kennedy, Senator Kerry is a saint."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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A newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them,"We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month."
The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks, returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying, and the husband is obviously very depressed.
"You are back so soon...Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired.
"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month," the young man replied sadly.
The pastor asked him what happened.
"Well, the first week was difficult. However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible...anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts. One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there,"admitted the man, shamefacedly.
"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.
"We know." said the young man, hanging his head,
"We're not welcome at Walmart either!
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Mel
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 6896
Loc: Excelsior Springs, MO
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Bet that Wally World had a run on paint about that time. Bwaaahahahahahahaha.
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Member DU, Delta
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names - John Kennedy
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on either side of it.
The 7-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time. So the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex.
"Good morning Pastor," he replied, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?" he asked.
The pastor said, "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."
Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, asked, "Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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A distinguished looking young lady is on a flight returning from Switzerland. She finds herself seated next to a priest and asks" Excuse me father, may I ask a favor of you?"
"Well of course Miss, what can I do for you?" he replies.
"Here's the dilemma, I purchased for myself, a superbly sophisticated
electronic hair remover. I paid a lot of money for it. I really went well over the limits set forth by Customs, and I fear they will
confiscate it from me. Could you perhaps secret it through Customs for me under your robes?"
I certainly could my dear, only I must warn you I really am not ever able to lie..."
"You have such an honest face father, surely they will never ask any questions of you," and with that she hands him the hair remover.
After landing they proceed through Customs and it becomes the father's turn in line.
"Father, do you have anything to declare?" asks the Custom's
officer.
"From the top of my head to my waist I have nothing to declare my son." Finding this answer a little strange the custom's officer proceeds
to ask, "And from the waist to the floor, what do you have to declare?"
The father replies, "I have a marvelous little instrument destined to be used on a woman, but which has never yet been used..."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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A Catholic man was struck by a bus on a busy street. He is near death lying on the sidewalk as a crowd gathers.
"A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. Minutes drag on and no one steps out of the crowd. A policeman checks the crowd and finally yells,
"A PRIEST, PLEASE! Isn't there a priest in this crowd to give this man his last rites?"
Finally, out of the crowd stepped a little old Jewish man of at least 80 years of age. "Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest, I'm not even a Christian but for 50 years now I'm living behind the Catholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I'm overhearing their services. I can recall a lot of it, and maybe I can be of some comfort to this poor man."
The policeman agreed, and cleared the crowd so the man can get through to where the injured man lay. The old Jewish man knelt down, leaned over the man and said in a solemn voice: "B-4 I-19 N-38 G-54 O-72"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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From actual announcements and such....
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
"The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals."
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things, not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
The peacemaking meeting, scheduled for today, has been canceled due to a conflict.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say "Hell" to someone, who doesn't care much about you.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you, who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope, along with the deceased person you want remembered.
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker, and heave a healthy lunch.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it, if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles, for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near-death experience. During that experience she sees her guardian angel and asks if this is her time. The angel says no and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital for a few more days and have a facelift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she's got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it. She walks out the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.
She arrives in heaven again, sees her guardian angel and says, "I thought you said I had another 30-40 years!!"
The angel replies, "Sorry. I didn't recognize you."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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When Mother Teresa died and went to heaven, God greeted her at the Pearly Gates.
"Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asked God.
"I could eat," Mother Teresa replied.
So God opened a can of tuna and reached for a chunk of rye bread and they began to share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looked down into Hell and saw the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, and pastries. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remained quiet.
The next day God again invited her to join him for a meal.
Again, it was tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa could see the denizens of Hell enjoying lamb, turkey, venison, and delicious desserts. Still she said nothing.
The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. She couldn't contain herself any longer.
Meekly, she asked, "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don't understand it..."
God sighed. "Let's be honest Terry," he said, "For just two people, it doesn't pay to cook."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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A confirmed atheist is out fishing one afternoon when the Loch Ness monster upsets the boat. The atheist and boat are tossed in the air and the monster opens its jaws to swallow both.
In the air, the atheist cries out: " "Lord, help me!"
The whole awful scene freezes.
A Voice booms from above " I thought you don't believe in Me!"
The atheist whimpers: " Lord, give me a break! Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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Hellbender
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 3416
Loc: Taney County
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Subject: Fw: Fwd: The difference between heaven and hell
One day in the future, Jesse Jackson has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Jesse thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it, was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. He kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell. "No," Jesse said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Jesse.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Jesse saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Jesse looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said . . . . . . . . . .
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
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A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor.
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath, and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed.
Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.
The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone. "Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily, "I've been saved."
"Saved? And how did that come about?" asked the old nun.
"Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven."
"Did he now?" said the old nun evenly. Sister Magdalene continued, "And Father John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock."
"Is that a fact?" said the old nun even more evenly.
"At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved."
"That wicked old bastard" said the old nun. "He told me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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SwampFox
member
Reged: 12/13/05
Posts: 7976
Loc: Mid Mo
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There were two old brothers from Texas, one was a hairlip and the other a cripple.
Well after years of struggling to scrape out a living on their ranch they struck oil and became rich overnight and moved to a nice house in town.
The brothers decided to take a trip to Europe to see the sights. When they returned their neighbor was in the back yard trimming the hedge when he saw the hairlip and called out to him. " So I see you and your Brother Bill made it back from Europe how was your trip?".
"Oh it was just wonderfull! We went to London England they had the biggest dang clock there you ever did see, tourist go up to the top and you could see for miles!"
"Well that's the Big Ben, How about Brother Bill did he go up in Big Ben?"
"Oh no, no, Brother Bill, he's...he's a cripple you know" " But then we went to Paris France. It was wonderfull! They had the biggest dang oil well there you ever did see, tourist go up to the top, you can see for miles!"
"Well, that's the Eifel tower. How about your brother Bill did he get to the top of the Eifle tower?"
"Oh no, no, Brother Bill he's...he's a cripple you know. But Then we went to Pisa Italy. They had the biggest dang chit house there you ever did see, It was leaning over so far you swear it was gona fall. Tourist go to the top you can see for miles!"
"Well that's the leaning tower of Pisa. How about your brother Bill did he enjoy the leaning tower of Pisa?."
"Oh no, no, Brother Bill, he's...he's a cripple you know. But there was one thing Brother Bill got to see. Yep whilst we were at the Vatican the Pope was going by in this here bubble car and he sees Brother Bill standing there on his crutches. Well he makes them stop the bubble car and he gets out and walks right up to Brother Bill and taps him on his left shoulder and his left crutch go's a flying out that'away. Then he taps Bill on the right shoulder and his other crutch goes a flying offen the other way. It was unbelievable"
"Well that's wonderful, its a miracle! your brother Bill's cured. He can walk now right? "
"Oh no, no, Brother Bill fell on his a$$ he's...he's a cripple you know."
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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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