An Irishman's daughter had not been home for over 6 years.
Upon her return, her father berated her; "Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn't you write us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn't you call? Don't you know what you put your Mum through??!!
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute..."
"WHAT!!? Out of here, you shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family! I don't ever want to see you again!"
"OK, Dad - as you wish. I just came back to give Mom this fur coat, title deeds to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a savings account certificate for $2 million. For my little brother, this gold Rolex and for you, Daddy, the brand new Ford King Ranch Pickup truck that's parked outside plus a lifetime membership to the Duck Club...(takes a breath)...plus an invitation for you all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."
"Now what was it you said you had become?"
The girl, crying again said, "a prostitute, Dad!"
"Oh! Sweet Jesus! You scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said "a Protestant". Come here and give your old man a hug!" 
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