Cafeoutdoors.com: MDC: Richmond Gator "Not Ours"

Ya didn't follow the MDC's Proper Permit Procedure™ program...

JEFFERSON CITY, Mo. (AP) -- All $2 Gator Permits are being issued through the department's latest breakthru in permit-issuing technology, known as "Whatta Croc."

Eligible gator getters can log onto the MDC Whatta Croc website 2x every week and request access to prime gator shooting areas, using its patented DAPLR system: Designated Alligator Parking Lot Radar.

DAPLR radar offers real-time views of all Approved MDC Gravel Parking Lots having 1 or more legal-sized alligators within 75 yards. DAPLR also shows the ambient air temperature at the MDC parking lot.

A highly-paid spokesman said, "Our extensive surveying and Staged Listening Events around Missouri show a strong hunter preference for the following:
* Overnight low temperatures above 65 degrees
* Early migration timing, to allow a good mixed bag of
early-migators like bluewing crocs and Northern caimans
* Moist soil environment, including favorable C ockleburr
density

Hunters enter their Gator, Croc and Caiman Permit Application number (available exclusively at Walmart) into the Whatta Croc site, and later receive one of the MDC's patented "Fork Off, U Weren't Drawn" messages via email.

"Only one hunter will actually get drawn to hunt under our Whatta Croc system," the spokesman said. "This lucky hunter will be pre-screened for specific MDC favorable criteria like leftist political party, sexual deviancy, and recent useage of bike trails or nature centers."

He added, "We think hunters will love Whatta Croc. It affords the illusion of "opportunity" to possibly maybe have a chance to actually have an authentic, uncrowded Hunt-Like Experience® at a safe, convenient, warm MDC-owned property."

The MDC states that a majority of potential gator gunners are in favor of Whatta Croc, based on its exclusive Missouri Conservationist-Pravda double-secret probation opinion polls.

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