Cafeoutdoors.com: Jokes For The Seriously Deranged

My divorce was final Monday afternoon.
A friend was getting married Wensday and suggested that I come by the reception so he could introduce me to a friend of his bride.
His description interested me. Cortney Cox with a little meat on her bones.
As usual I got there about an hour late and came through the door just as my friend and his bride were about to leave.
Well, my buddy took the time to introduce me to an extreemly attractive woman who actually looke like Cortney Cox on her best day.
Needless to say she had my undivided attention.
After chatting her up for about an hour she mentioned that she was a little tired and wondered of I would drive her home.
Being the considerate person that I am I told her that I would be honored to take her home.
I walked around the table to help her out of her chair only to discover that her "chair" had wheels.
Well, we all have friends with a warped sense of humor and I really liked the gal so I wheeled her to my El Camino, helped her into the front seat and stored the wheel chair in the back.
She gave me dirrections out of town and out to a side road. Then we turned off the side road to an ungraveled road. You know the type. Two tracks with grass in the middle.
Down the road a ways she suggested we pull off into an orchard where we could "talk".
As usual, one thing led to another and we were getting it on pretty heavy when it became obvious that the cramped quarters and her disability wouldn't work well for what we wanted to do and she suggested that we move to the hood of the El Camino.
This was working out pretty well but she had another idea. I could carry her to one of the apple trees and she would hang from the tree and we would do it Tarzan style.
Being the gentleman that I am we ended up doing things her way.
Things were going well when, out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of an old man in bib overalls and a double barreled shotgun.
I carried her back to the car and turned to face the father.
He looked me up one side and down the other before saying, "Son, I think I'm goin' ta let ya go."
Delighted at not getting shot, but still curious I asked, "Why are you letting me go?"
"Well" he said."The last three guys left her hanging there."

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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."

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