Once was right before I got married. There were about 8 couples camping at one of the guys in-laws. It was the 4th of July weekend and we were frying fish and fishing and whatnot along with beer and more beer. The tents were set up in the backyard basically.
I am a woods shitter in the fact that just about everytime I go to the timber it is a laxative and just like griff, there is something about being with nature that just seems tranquill.
Well, it just couldn't be this time around. We had been eating fish and fresh tomatoes and potatoes and pickled eggs and hot peppers along with the beer and then went to bed. It hit me in the middle of the night and probably was the third wave and the first two didn't register in my drunkin stage. Anyway, as soon as I woke up I knew it was situation critical. I jumped up and the way the tents were arranged I could either run past all the tents and 75 more yards to the timber or I could head for the walk-in door to the unfinished basement where there was an indoor shitter. It wasn't no choice and here I go for the basement. For those of you who know me, I apologize for this but it is just me in a pair of fruit of the looms and flip flops.
I get down the steps and turn the knob on the door and it opens.....I am on the home stretch!!! About 3 steps inside the door the tomatoes can't take bein trapped no more and here comes wave number one. There aint one bit of solidness to the event and I think there was chit water shooting through my underwear. It was shootin out the back, running down my leg and I still thought I could make it for a finale at the toilet. I was wrong.
I ended up standing in the basement looking back at the door which seemed like 50 feet away and a chit trail across the concrete floor.
It was then it dawned on me that chit had ran down so far it was even between the bottom of my feet and the flip-flops.
I took the flip flops off and douched them in the toilet and then stuck my feet in the toilet water the best I could and got the front of them yet. I found a walmart bag and put my underwear in them. There was also a Mason jar I found and I took the toilet paper and smeared up as much of the chit as I could and then rinsed it with toilet water from the Mason jar. Luckily there was floor drain and I kinda used my feet as squeagies to get the placed cleaned up a bit.
Then, me in just a pair of flip flops, holdin my ruined shorts in the walmart bag headed back out past all the tents to the edge of the timber. I flung that damn walmart bag as far as I could and then headed for the pond.
I spent about 15 minutes in the pond getting cleaned up and back to the tent I went air drying the entire way. I layed back down on the air mattress and the now wife rolled over and says "God, it smells like you chit your pants" I said, nope....just a wet fart and went to sleep.
-------------------- "Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."
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