Cafeoutdoors.com: Just For Mel

Arthur Bernard Theopolis Workman grew tired of his pissy lil job as a lawyer out of Canada.
He had just watched a movie about a hitman and decided that was a job for him.Fast cars,faster wimmen,champainge(sp) and the French Riviera.
He didn't know where to begin his new job.He decided to go see The Godfather.He knew they used hitmen all the time.
He inquired at The Godfathers house if he could see The Godfather.The giant goon that answered the door was just about to throw Arthur into oncoming traffic,but as luck would have it,The Dom himself overheard the lil pissants request for an audience.He told the goon to let the guy in.
Arthur followed The Dom and the goon out to the veranda.
He was offered a seat across the table from The Godfather himself.
Arthur went on to tell these people about his new career adventure.
The laughter was thunderous.
After The Dom and the others dried their eyes and regained their composure,The Dom said he might have some 'Work' for Arthur.
It seems a 'eyewitness was going to testify against The Dom in court.The Dom couldn't let this happen.He gave Arthur a dosseir with the witnesses where abouts and pictures.
Arthur was delighted and wanted to know if The Mob would supply him with a firearm?The only time Arthur used a gun was to take a bear out of season.
The Godfather said that Arthur would have to pull this off by himself since all the new gun control measures were keeping the guns out of the bad guys hands.
Also,the name Arthur didn't sound hitman enough.And since Arthur had to do this deed with what he had,he would have to use his brain and intellect.
Therefore The Dom gave him the name of " Artie the Artful."
Artie wanted to know how many tens of thousands of dollars The Dom is going to pay.
Again loud laughter and guffaws.
The Dom said since this was Arties first job and that The Dom was doing Artie the favor of getting him into the Hitman bidness,He would be paid ONE DOLLAR.
The Dom saw the look of sadness on Arties face and told him that if he pulled this off,Arties earnings would be in the millions.
The Dom even had one of his goons drive Artie home.
Artie fixed himself a bowl of Count Chocula cereal and opened the folder The Dom had given him.
Inside was a picture of a Blue Haired old Lady useing a walker.The data sheet listed her as being 93 years old.
The sheet also said this ole lady shopped at Krogers grocery store every Wednesday.That was senior day and every senior got 10% off of their purchase.
Artie shows up at Krogers and hangs around until he spies his victim.She is ancient and hardly gets around by herself.Artie has no gun,knife or garrot so he decides to strangle the biatch.
He just grabs her by the neck and squeezes until she departs this life.It was easier than he thought.
As he turns to hightail it outta there,he runs into a 7 year old girl that witnessed the whole thing.He can't have that so he strangles the girl too.
As he makes his way thru the parking lot to the bus stop (Canadian Courts took his liscence on a DUI conviction)he runs into a Quadraplegic in a wheel chair that saw him choke the girl.
Artie can't have any witnesses so he throttles this guy too.
Artie finally makes it home.
He draws all the curtains,locks the doors and puts on his Spiderman jammies.
He sits up all night with his stuffed Pooh Bear.
As dawn breaks,he hears the newspaper hit the front porch.
After peeking out to see if anyone is around,he grabs the paper and slams the door shut.
With trembling hands he unrolls the paper.
There in the main headline,it states..........
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,Artie Chokes Three For A Dollar At Krogers.

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"Being deeply learned and skilled, being well trained and using well spoken words; this is good luck."

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